Families eh!!

T

TitanTim

Elite
Hi all,

As some of you may know I lost my mum a week before Christmas and its been a pretty stressful time sorting her estate out as was a named executor along with my brother. I've pretty much sorted out everything by myself as my brother lives a 5 hour drive away etc so I just gone on with it with the solicitor etc, probate, conveyancing etc which is coming to a close. Not wishing to go into the finer details but my brother has asked that I pay his expenses for when he came to visit mum in hospital and for attending the funeral etc. By expenses I mean hotel bills for him and and his wife plus fuel, the hotel wasn't a travelodge lol. I can understand where hes coming from as I was the benefactor in the will and I guess from his point of view its the least I could do in paying his expenses. However I can't get over that it feels like a business transaction to him and that he would even consider asking me to pay, like its all been an inconvienience to him. Am I missing something here? To me its just one of those things and if in his shoes wouldn't dream of asking a family member to pay under this circumstance. :( What I find a little galling is he bought a brand new 3 Series Touring at roughly the same time so he's hardly under financial duress from where I'm sitting. I've paid his expenses which runs into the hundreds but can't help feeling pretty sad and a mug over it :(

Tim.
 
You have my sympathies Tim Loosing a parent must be very hard mate,your brother asking for expenses is horrible and if it was my brother
in that situation he'd get Feck all !
 
Hi Tim, sad news indeed, its a bit late having paid your brother already, it is a bit cheeky, you should have made a deduction from the payment for all the legwork you did on his behalf, he'd probably end up owing you lol
 
I think you should have told him where to go,I've never heard of such behaviour .You are not the only one to have odd ball members of family,we have a couple in our family.
 
Thanks guys, he mentioned the expenses to me a day before the funeral but I dismissed it at the time but only come to a head now as I paid the remainder half of monies owing to him from the estate but he's come back as he wants his expenses out of my share of monies. The only thing my brother arranged out of it all was an appointment with our solicitor as he wanted the will read and that was the day before the funeral, everything else was left to me. Just finding it hard to get my head around the as he put it "unexpected personal expenses"

Feelings are going from anger to acute sadness.

Tim.
 
I guess there's some reason why your brother was'nt in the will and that's probably not something you want to tell on here, but personally I find it bloody awful that he's asking for expenses, even if he feels aggrieved at getting nothing, show's a complete lack of any feeling for your deceased mum. Is a few quid really that important over a lifetime of being son and mum.

Sadly my brother died at 18 yrs old and so everything's down to me to deal with, but if he'd lived and we'd been in the same situation as you last year when my dad died I'd've probably let him have the lot if he'd wanted it, I miss my dad so much and money has nothing to do with it. That's easy to say I guess as it can't happen but I find money in these situations so meaningless.

Just remember your mum Tim and don't stew over anything else, life's too short IMHO.

All the best to you. :)
 
It's so sad when this happens - puzzles me that you appear to be the only benefactor ( if I've read this right ) - may be your brother feels it's not fair - may be there are reasons why this is so . Either way I would urge you to let it go over your head and not let it create bad feeling between you - he is your brother at the end of the day.

You can choose your friends etc but you only have one family.
 
john-e89 said:
I guess there's some reason why your brother was'nt in the will and that's probably not something you want to tell on here, but personally I find it bloody awful that he's asking for expenses, even if he feels aggrieved at getting nothing, show's a complete lack of any feeling for your deceased mum. Is a few quid really that important over a lifetime of being son and mum.

Sadly my brother died at 18 yrs old and so everything's down to me to deal with, but if he'd lived and we'd been in the same situation as you last year when my dad died I'd've probably let him have the lot if he'd wanted it, I miss my dad so much and money has nothing to do with it. That's easy to say I guess as it can't happen but I find money in these situations so meaningless.

Just remember your mum Tim and don't stew over anything else, life's too short IMHO.

All the best to you. :)
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Thank you John, the money means nothing to me its the fact he feels it necessary to ask for extra monies when it was his mum in hospital too and it seemed to him an inconvienience at the end of the day and he felt it necessary to make an issue out of it regarding expense.

I've been finding especially hard as I was a prime carer for my mum for the past 7 years as she didn't want to go into a care home so the adjustment from looking after someone to nothing has been strangely very difficult to deal with.

Tim.
 
That is out of order but life is short and it's probably easier to just pay and forget.

Maybe you should send him a bill for all the admin fee's for sorting everything out :)
 
Sounds a bit like my Dad and his brother. They don't get along and the other one always seems to think he's been hard done to as does his family but that's thought no fault of anyone but his own. I know if it was me and I didn't have a good relationship with my brother or sister then I would, as folk have said tell them to take a hike. If however I do have a good relationship then I'd probably pay up but I would also make mention to the fact that if that was how they felt and/or wanted to treat it as you say like a business transaction then they needn't of bothered themselves in the first place.

It's actually quite sad to think that someone would actually see it as an inconvenience as such visiting their parents and attending their funeral. Different if the didn't have two Bob to rub together but as you've said, clearly they've had a bit of cash to buy a new car.....maybe it all went on that but anyways, up to you really how you want to play it. You know the relationship between the two of you and I am sure you will do the right thing for you.
 
Hi Tim,

Firstly, sorry for your loss. Am I getting this right that your mum had two sons and only awarded assets to one of them?

H.
 
gov said:
Either way I would urge you to let it go over your head and not let it create bad feeling between you - he is your brother at the end of the day.

You can choose your friends etc but you only have one family.
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This is the most sensible post here. We all have to go one day and it's sad if you fall out over this or carry ill feeling.
When my mum died I found it extremely difficult when my dad died I just carried on - I didn't have much of a relationship with him at all it was really an administrative exercise. He left me everything in his will which I split evenly with my siblings.
 
Sorry for your loss and for the added upset this issue is causing you. I can't imagine being in your situation, and agree your brother is out of line but your mum wouldnt want you both to fall out so it ay be easier to sort the finantial side and let it go (hard as it will be)
 
Its beyond me why families can be like this at such a sad time :evil:

As the saying goes: You can pick your friends, but not your family.
 
Thanks for your replies, its good to hear of others experiences.

I've always got on reasonably well with my brother but thought less towards hin the past few as he hardly kept in touch with my mum and thought he could have made more of an effort but there you go. Good advice to just let it go, I've paid the monies and will try and forget about it.

Havard, yes you're correct.

Tim.
 
Don't get me started on this sort of thing. I have an Auntie & Uncle I couldn't care less if I never saw again because of duplicity and greed around my grandparents' estate.

I think that's shocking Tim, and you'd have been well within your rights to tell him to feck right off - actually, good on you for not doing so. Just don't do him any favours again, eh ?
 
Good on you Tim. You are a much better man than him. Hopefully it won't cause any bad feelings well none that time won't heal.
 
Thanks Angie and Bing, when he mentioned paying his expenses I truly didn't know how to react to be honest, just said yes not a problem but the more I thought about it and on talking with friends who found it unbelievable I was starting to think I was taking it too lightly and shouldn't be a push over but to me in this situation with my mum passing its doing the right thing and as said just let it go and move on.

Tim.
 
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