I've done well, I've reached the 23rd December without ranting about Christmas but today I have to resurrect my thread from last year 
I'm in work today (such as it is), and "popped out" for lunch (it ended up over 1.5hrs as opposed to the usual 20mins). the local sandwich shop is Sainsbury's. You can tell what ludicrous tale of festive woe is coming next cant you. Firstly it took 20 mins to park amongst the miserable looking families in santa hats and Christmas jumpers. Ordinarily i'd have given up, but the traffic to get out was the same so I stupidly persevered with my attempt at replenishing my energy reserves. I got parked up eventually next to a badly parked car (a rover 25 fitted with reindeer antlers), went into the store, no sandwiches left, just a lone slice of tomato left to die on the shelf with only bread crumbs for company, so off I went to get some washing up liquid which we had run out of, the isle for that was serenity, not a soul around, clearly the fairy liquid company Christmas promotions weren't working out for them. So, after a brief trip to the deli counter to get a pizza slice to stand in for the lack of sandwiches, i shuffled (that was all there was room for, walking was not going to happen) back to the self checkouts, the journey back to the checkouts was fraught with danger, I took a wrong turn down the isle where Christmas crackers were kept, and I was trapped amid a labyrinth of trolleys, but somehow, i'd say more through luck than judgment I made it through alive. The checkouts were really busy with people with trolleys brimming with bread and tins of roses..... 
I could only conclude that it was my fault for not sharing my clearly groundbreaking knowledge that the shop is only closed for a single day.... These people cant possibly eat what they were buying in a couple of days, even with a lot of family members visiting. the couple in front of me had 2 trolleys loaded with food.... When I asked which county they were cooking for, i think the stupidity clicked with the chap and he asked his other half if they really needed it all, but his festively decorated other half insisted (while glaring at me, in a "how very dare you" way) that they needed every single Yule Log that was in the trolley (there were 7), their bill was 400 quid. Everyone was bickering and arguing over inconsequential trivia (like what colour wrapping paper matches the living room decor) or shouting at their miscreant offspring (Eg. One such miscreant "Bailey" was being reprimanded by a hoop ear ringed wench for pulling over a rack of tinsel and it was all over the floor). Meanwhile as this joyous scene is played out, a deluge of joyous festive melodies (Now thats what i call Christmas vol. 4232 disc 2) tinkle away in the background to provide a warm ambience to each argument.
"simply having a wonderful Christmas time......" 
Perhaps it's me, however while in the queue I was thinking of all the things i'd rather be doing, driving hot pins into my eyes and chewing off my own arms were right up there...... I also felt entirely justified in doing as I did this year which was to buy one of those Cadbury advent calendars with chocolate behind each door. I started at no. 24 and I'm using it as a reward for surviving each day as I count down to number 1, which means its almost over..... and we can get on with the right and proper thing of enjoying Christmas day!
anyway, I feel a lot better having shared my festive outlook.....
It may come as a shock given my account above, but I actually really enjoy Christmas day and Boxing day, but I really don't enjoy having to dedicate the entirety of December to it (or avoiding it!).....
I'm in work today (such as it is), and "popped out" for lunch (it ended up over 1.5hrs as opposed to the usual 20mins). the local sandwich shop is Sainsbury's. You can tell what ludicrous tale of festive woe is coming next cant you. Firstly it took 20 mins to park amongst the miserable looking families in santa hats and Christmas jumpers. Ordinarily i'd have given up, but the traffic to get out was the same so I stupidly persevered with my attempt at replenishing my energy reserves. I got parked up eventually next to a badly parked car (a rover 25 fitted with reindeer antlers), went into the store, no sandwiches left, just a lone slice of tomato left to die on the shelf with only bread crumbs for company, so off I went to get some washing up liquid which we had run out of, the isle for that was serenity, not a soul around, clearly the fairy liquid company Christmas promotions weren't working out for them. So, after a brief trip to the deli counter to get a pizza slice to stand in for the lack of sandwiches, i shuffled (that was all there was room for, walking was not going to happen) back to the self checkouts, the journey back to the checkouts was fraught with danger, I took a wrong turn down the isle where Christmas crackers were kept, and I was trapped amid a labyrinth of trolleys, but somehow, i'd say more through luck than judgment I made it through alive. The checkouts were really busy with people with trolleys brimming with bread and tins of roses..... I could only conclude that it was my fault for not sharing my clearly groundbreaking knowledge that the shop is only closed for a single day.... These people cant possibly eat what they were buying in a couple of days, even with a lot of family members visiting. the couple in front of me had 2 trolleys loaded with food.... When I asked which county they were cooking for, i think the stupidity clicked with the chap and he asked his other half if they really needed it all, but his festively decorated other half insisted (while glaring at me, in a "how very dare you" way) that they needed every single Yule Log that was in the trolley (there were 7), their bill was 400 quid. Everyone was bickering and arguing over inconsequential trivia (like what colour wrapping paper matches the living room decor) or shouting at their miscreant offspring (Eg. One such miscreant "Bailey" was being reprimanded by a hoop ear ringed wench for pulling over a rack of tinsel and it was all over the floor). Meanwhile as this joyous scene is played out, a deluge of joyous festive melodies (Now thats what i call Christmas vol. 4232 disc 2) tinkle away in the background to provide a warm ambience to each argument.
"simply having a wonderful Christmas time......" Perhaps it's me, however while in the queue I was thinking of all the things i'd rather be doing, driving hot pins into my eyes and chewing off my own arms were right up there...... I also felt entirely justified in doing as I did this year which was to buy one of those Cadbury advent calendars with chocolate behind each door. I started at no. 24 and I'm using it as a reward for surviving each day as I count down to number 1, which means its almost over..... and we can get on with the right and proper thing of enjoying Christmas day!
anyway, I feel a lot better having shared my festive outlook.....
It may come as a shock given my account above, but I actually really enjoy Christmas day and Boxing day, but I really don't enjoy having to dedicate the entirety of December to it (or avoiding it!).....
