Budget ....

[Phoenixboy]

My mum is about to go back in a care home for the second time this year , to recover from another fall.
lost dad 2yrs ago, so she soldiers on, but with no real lust for life.
various suggestions have been made to her regarding moving closer to where i live, but its a firm no.
this second fall is worse than the first, in that she broke her hip and wrist this time, as opposed to knee and other wrist earlier this year.
i wonder whether she will recover sufficiently to go home and cope alone.
i am about an hour away, and work full time, so go down once a week to take her shopping and visit numerous garden centres.
She refuses to have anyone in to help at home, but seems happy enough to go back to the care home again.
its a lovely place, like a 5 star all inclusive , but at the cost , it should be.
My problem will come in a few weeks when she starts wanting to go home.
Have no issues with that, providing the care home and i think she is able to go home and be safe.
The problem will be, if we dont think she will manage.
she has a nice house, and enough savings to fund her care for at least 5yrs.
it will be a decision as to whether we sell the house, which i think she will be reluctant to do, in case she feels she will be able to go home at some stage, or leave it empty for months on end, and pop down periodically to keep an eye on it.
Neighbour is good and will keep an eye on things, good area, so should be ok.
she is quite frail, and her health is not the best, but she has managed ok after respite from the last fall.
Have not talked about this to her in any depth yet, as i dont want to upset her while she is in recovery.
She is a worrier, so it will be a tough call.

 

[MikeyH]

First thing I am going to say... I did economics at university, and I reckon I am 10x more of an opinionated arsehole when it comes to economics and politics than anyone else on this forum. I know it's bad form to ask for thanks, but I reckon you lot owe me big-tome for not going on a massive rant on this thread.

Secondly... I (born in 1974) come at retirement from a very different perspective to many on here I think.

I'm not sure how and why, but in my early 20s I worked out that people tended to spend a third of their salary on housing costs when younger, and that as a result, of you owned three similar houses mortgage free then you should be able to live a reasonable lifestyle for the sort of person who lives in a house like that. Since working that out I worked in a bank, bought a house to rent out, quit the bank at 26 and again at 27, took six months off to do a 3 hour per week photography course, set up a small and very unsuccessful business, took a year out to do a masters, re-trained, worked for a year and then set up my now-current business, moved house and kept the old one. I have found a niche I enjoy - nice combination of straightforward "churn it out" work, and some real meaty stuff to get my brain going.

I have no desire to ever retire, but I look forward to continuing the transition which started in about 1997... the transition from a young person who needs to work full time, to an older person who has his own business, and can live comfortably working as much or little as he wants. We are just about in a position where we could both say "we will never work again", but not quite, and I don't want to. I might hate when I HAVE to work, but I do not hate that I do work, if that makes sense.

I understand exactly where you are coming from, sounds just where I am at the moment. Past retirement age, have my own business that do the hours I want and am finding it hard to want to retire fully at the moment. Not depending on a pension only is great.

 

[Fred Smith]

I understand exactly where you are coming from, sounds just where I am at the moment. Past retirement age, have my own business that do the hours I want and am finding it hard to want to retire fully at the moment. Not depending on a pension only is great.

If you enjoy it and it brings in money, then keep doing what you can and want to.

The other thing is "what type of person are you and what will happen when you retire?" Broadly speaking people seem to fall into one of two camps... like my dad "I like walking and reading and doing my garden and bird watching, and I don't have time to watch TV!" or like others "I am bored... 10am, time to open a bottle" and wind up as dead alcoholics in two years flat.

 

[buzyg]

My mum is about to go back in a care home for the second time this year , to recover from another fall.
lost dad 2yrs ago, so she soldiers on, but with no real lust for life.
various suggestions have been made to her regarding moving closer to where i live, but its a firm no.
this second fall is worse than the first, in that she broke her hip and wrist this time, as opposed to knee and other wrist earlier this year.
i wonder whether she will recover sufficiently to go home and cope alone.
i am about an hour away, and work full time, so go down once a week to take her shopping and visit numerous garden centres.
She refuses to have anyone in to help at home, but seems happy enough to go back to the care home again.
its a lovely place, like a 5 star all inclusive , but at the cost , it should be.
My problem will come in a few weeks when she starts wanting to go home.
Have no issues with that, providing the care home and i think she is able to go home and be safe.
The problem will be, if we dont think she will manage.
she has a nice house, and enough savings to fund her care for at least 5yrs.
it will be a decision as to whether we sell the house, which i think she will be reluctant to do, in case she feels she will be able to go home at some stage, or leave it empty for months on end, and pop down periodically to keep an eye on it.
Neighbour is good and will keep an eye on things, good area, so should be ok.
she is quite frail, and her health is not the best, but she has managed ok after respite from the last fall.
Have not talked about this to her in any depth yet, as i dont want to upset her while she is in recovery.
She is a worrier, so it will be a tough call.

MrsG has worked in care for many years. A lot of residents come in after falls at home. If they can get respite and physio and back home within a month or so that is a good thing. The care home and local care authorities put a lot of work in, on each individual case and will try to make that happen, as it is usually best for everyone. After a month or so of good residential care many residents become used to the care and attention though, so be very aware of that.

As to the costs. They are substantial. One reason we don't plan to sell our own assets, is because, with good management they should provide enough income to cover those cost for one of us, should we end up in a similar position. So hopefully we can still leave a decent chunk to the kids and the exchequer.

Hope it works out for you all.

 

[Phoenixboy]

My mum is about to go back in a care home for the second time this year , to recover from another fall.
lost dad 2yrs ago, so she soldiers on, but with no real lust for life.
various suggestions have been made to her regarding moving closer to where i live, but its a firm no.
this second fall is worse than the first, in that she broke her hip and wrist this time, as opposed to knee and other wrist earlier this year.
i wonder whether she will recover sufficiently to go home and cope alone.
i am about an hour away, and work full time, so go down once a week to take her shopping and visit numerous garden centres.
She refuses to have anyone in to help at home, but seems happy enough to go back to the care home again.
its a lovely place, like a 5 star all inclusive , but at the cost , it should be.
My problem will come in a few weeks when she starts wanting to go home.
Have no issues with that, providing the care home and i think she is able to go home and be safe.
The problem will be, if we dont think she will manage.
she has a nice house, and enough savings to fund her care for at least 5yrs.
it will be a decision as to whether we sell the house, which i think she will be reluctant to do, in case she feels she will be able to go home at some stage, or leave it empty for months on end, and pop down periodically to keep an eye on it.
Neighbour is good and will keep an eye on things, good area, so should be ok.
she is quite frail, and her health is not the best, but she has managed ok after respite from the last fall.
Have not talked about this to her in any depth yet, as i dont want to upset her while she is in recovery.
She is a worrier, so it will be a tough call.

MrsG has worked in care for many years. A lot of residents come in after falls at home. If they can get respite and physio and back home within a month or so that is a good thing. The care home and local care authorities put a lot of work in, on each individual case and will try to make that happen, as it is usually best for everyone. After a month or so of good residential care many residents become used to the care and attention though, so be very aware of that.

As to the costs. They are substantial. One reason we don't plan to sell our own assets, is because, with good management they should provide enough income to cover those cost for one of us, should we end up in a similar position. So hopefully we can still leave a decent chunk to the kids and the exchequer.

Hope it works out for you all.

Thanks mate,
early days, but fortunately she has options with her financial position, so got it covered , unless she outlives her finances

 

[Nanu]

The thought of sitting on life savings just to fund vegetating in a care home isn't something I relish

Tim.
[/quote]Totally agree.

 

[TitanTim]

The thought of sitting on life savings just to fund vegetating in a care home isn't something I relish

Tim.

Totally agree.
[/quote]

Having said that, a neighbours mum is in a care home, I'm sure he said it's 3k a month so sounds like you would need well funded life savings

Tim.

 

[pvr]

That is exactly it though, isn’t it. Either an (expensive) pleasant experience or left to a council run place to end your days.

 

[Mr Tidy]

It's certainly a tough situation.

My Mum had a retirement flat but in 2019 it was becoming obvious that at 97 even with regular visits from carers and family she wasn't coping so she reluctantly agreed to a 4 week respite stay in a residential home. At first she was desperate to get home, but gradually got used to it and ended up staying - much to our relief.

Even back then it was costing nearly £3,500 a month and in about 9 months all her savings had gone. (Being in a London Borough probably didn't help with costs). Then we got behind with payments but the home gave us 3 months grace and luckily with LPAs in place we managed to sell her flat with just a week to spare, which in itself was quite a challenge in May 2020 and we couldn't even visit her!

Tomorrow it will be 4 years since she passed away peacefully and in a safe place which is probably as much as you can hope for, although sadly it happened too quickly for any of us to get there.

As I've never been a parent I plan to squander what assets I have while I can.

 

[TitanTim]

That is exactly it though, isn’t it. Either an (expensive) pleasant experience or left to a council run place to end your days.

By the time I reach a care home I probably wouldn't know the difference.

Think I'll stick to a Swedish nurse popping round once a fortnight

Tim.

 

[DonDon]

Think I'll stick to a Swedish nurse popping round once a fortnight

Tim.

I'm sure you and Sven will get on beautifully. I hope you don't have a beard, or watch out for the Velcro effect :rofl:

 

[pvr]

That is exactly it though, isn’t it. Either an (expensive) pleasant experience or left to a council run place to end your days.

By the time I reach a care home I probably wouldn't know the difference.

Think I'll stick to a Swedish nurse popping round once a fortnight

Tim.

I think you might though when Bubba is who the council sends oke:

 

[TitanTim]

That is exactly it though, isn’t it. Either an (expensive) pleasant experience or left to a council run place to end your days.

By the time I reach a care home I probably wouldn't know the difference.

Think I'll stick to a Swedish nurse popping round once a fortnight

Tim.

I think you might though when Bubba is who the council sends oke:

:lol: Reminds me of,

https://youtu.be/CSwDjM1tojs?si=qmOEfRrR858lHqGS

Tim.

 

[Zedebee]

I'm sure he said it's 3k a month

Try doubling that, then adding on for any special needs. In my experience the corporate ones are horrible money grabbing places. Don’t be bamboozled by the sales literature, talk to people who have had good experiences.

 

[TitanTim]

I'm sure he said it's 3k a month

Try doubling that, then adding on for any special needs. In my experience the corporate ones are horrible money grabbing places. Don’t be bamboozled by the sales literature, talk to people who have had good experiences.

To be honest I don't how people afford care homes, eyewatering, appreciate the care involved but blooming expensive.

Tim.

 

[DevonPaul]

I'm sure he said it's 3k a month

Try doubling that, then adding on for any special needs. In my experience the corporate ones are horrible money grabbing places. Don’t be bamboozled by the sales literature, talk to people who have had good experiences.

To be honest I don't how people afford care homes, eyewatering, appreciate the care involved but blooming expensive.

Tim.

Depends on where you are. Mum was with one of the Anchor Group ones, it was just over £800/week so £42kpa. Bear in mind that is all her living costs too, so you can knock off the council tax, water, maintenance bills, food, the £2k+ she was spending keeping the place at 25C all year around. When I did the maths it worked out about £30k more than she spent on living before Covid hit and she became housebound. After her stroke she became almost housebound and needed 3 carer visits a day about £25/visit, which comes to over £27k, so in total it was about the same

MrsF's parents needed more care though, one with dementia and one full time nursing. They were nearer £50k each and that was 8 years ago, although in Devon rather than Oldham which is a bit cheaper.

Paul

 

[Nanu]

My brother in Law was in a care home with vascular dementure for 2 years. The care home took all their savings, his Army pension and state pension and still came after my sister for more. All she had was the house which she had to sell and downsize and her own state pension. They are still wanting another £2k which she hasn't got so they are putting a charge on her current house.
As far as we are concerned we will be equity releasing so they cant take the house and we intend to spend what we can while we can. We worry about tomorrow when it comes. I know its sounds dramatic but I would rather be put down than live a life not being able to look after myself. I will not become a burden on anyone.

 

[pvr]

I thought they could not make a partner sell the family home?

 

[Pondrew]

I know its sounds dramatic but I would rather be put down than live a life not being able to look after myself. I will not become a burden on anyone.

In theory, I agree. However, in reality it don't work like that, unfortunately. If it did there wouldn't be thousands of people in care homes being kept alive for no good reason with no chance of having any quality of life ever again.

 

[Mr Tidy]

Nanu wrote: ↑Sun Nov 03, 2024 8:46 pm
I know its sounds dramatic but I would rather be put down than live a life not being able to look after myself. I will not become a burden on anyone.
In theory, I agree. However, in reality it don't work like that, unfortunately. If it did there wouldn't be thousands of people in care homes being kept alive for no good reason with no chance of having any quality of life ever again.

Sadly we don't get to make that choice yet, unless you have an appointment booked in Switzerland.