Wedding Wine - Any advice on our situation.

W

Wildfire

Senior member
 Epsom
Hi people, I'm sticking this here as I've always had great advice from the forum across a range of topics and there is no way I'm signing up to mumsnet or something unless I absolutely have to. Bit of a saga, so apologies:

We recently did the menu tasting for our upcoing w, the food is great, all the choices were fantastic and we were super happy. Then we tried the wine.

Both of us like a nice bottle of wine and we weren't expecting anything amazing, but terrible is an understatement. The white tasted like grass mixed with a little vinegar and the red was no better. Not to worry, we thought, we can spring for a little more for better wine. As we went up the scale, it is clear that whoever selects the hotels wine clearly loves heavily oaked wines.

Eventually we got to a non-oaked wine that tasted less like vinegar which was +£8 on top of the house.

So we thought we would ask about corkage. We can get bottles of our favorite wine under £8 and that may be a better option. We spoke to the new planner, who was not too helpful, but grudgingly said that the corkage is essentially the price of the house wine. Not ideal, but we can deal with that.

Then we were asked "how many guests will be drinking alcohol?" When we asked why they needed to know, the venue said they would only serve our wine specifically to those who were drinking.

Ok, so those who don't drink, we don't pay for corkage?

No, you still pay for everyone, however we won't serve to those who don't drink.

Then we were told that each person would have their drink measured out by staff only and that bottles would not be left on tables, to make sure that guests who didn't drink didn't give their measure to someone else.

Also after the wedding breakfast any opened bottles would be thrown away, unopened bottles would be kept by the venue (even though we paid the corkage and paid extra for them) and that guest who had glasses of wine would have to leave them on the table (or have them taken off them) and go to get a new drink at the bar.

Has anyone else had a situation like this?

The venue isn't cheap (for us) at £150 a head and 100+ guests and even more in the evening, so I can't see what difference a few bottles of wine will make to their profits and that they will still be making the price on their house bottles. At my best friend's wedding the welcome beers and all the wine went on the bar as the venue said "well you paid for them."

As I said we're pretty relaxed, but we don't want to feel like we're getting ripped off and I'll be very upset if on the day someone comes up to me or anyone and tries to take a drink off them.

Any advice on how to go forward?
 
Mention the word wedding to any venue & prepare for wallet gang rape.

Firstly, does it have to be in the U.K. & if yes why?

If not, there’s plenty of countries you could go to, even to say it’s your day & just book close family & the closest of friends for a Caribbean all inclusive.

Closer to home I’d recommend Slovenia or Croatia as a nice blend of quality vs price - it then also becomes a bit more of an adventure, for everyone. I knew a friend who married at Lake Bled in the Castle, had a horse drawn carriage to the lake, was rowed across to the church in the middle for the ceremony & back with a lavish wedding breakfast & unlimited alcohol in 2009 for under £10k...
 
Not directly wedding related to start but.... what would you do if this was Zed buying?

How long have you got until the day? Must it be this venue? can you book another if you could find a better meal /wine deal? - if so have you paid a non refundable deposit yet?

If its short notice and you can find another acceptable venue then ask nicely that they reconsider corkage or they buy in the wine you like and will guarantee to drink them all (state miss-match between your taste and their buyer) or you walk.

Whats the worst thing that can happen - its your day about what you want. Its not about size or event; venue; or impressing people - they will want to celebrate with you because its you not where or how you do it. If they don't like it (guests or current venue) then you can live without them.
 
Any advice ok? Alrighty... firstly, you might be picky about your wines, but how about the majority of your guests? Secondly, its a wedding, quantity trumps quality in my opinion, people only taste the first glass, after that theyll drink anything. Also, if youre paying 150 a head your guests can darn well drink what theyre given!
 
Hey guys, thanks for the replies.

Yeah, we realised that if you say "wedding" then it means bend over and prepare. Some of the flower people wouldn't speak to us when we said we wanted minimal flowers, "nothing less than £1k".

We're booked in with the venue and have paid most of the deposit. I think some of it comes down to the fact we had an amazing wedding planner at the venue, who has just gone off on maternity leave, (who did say that we can work pretty much anything out one way or another), and the new one is just filling in for 6 months and seems a lot less accommodating. I wonder whether it's just that she won't or doesn't feel comfortable going to bat for the clients.

I wouldn't say we're picky, most of the wine we like pretty cheap, but the house really was awful. It's not about impressing the guests, but actually having a nice day and it would be nice for us to not serve something awful, especially at what we're paying for it.

We're going to ask if they will get in wine for us at a bit extra and we'll ensure it's all drunk.

The wine aside, I think we're more annoyed at the "we'll take the wine off everyone after the meal" even though you've paid for it.

Aside from this, so far, it all seems fine.
 
We were in a similar situation to you (with what sounds like a similar budget) and agreed to the corkage through gritted teeth! We picked crowd-pleaser red and white wines from Aldi and a very guzzlable Prosecco. They "went down" very well and really added to the occasion. No regrets.

My advice would be to save where you have the freedom to do so without compromise, and spend money to alleviate any constraints in order to make everything "just right". For example, we spent a lot on photography where other friends called in favours from photographer mates. Some paid a lot for artwork and stationary, whereas we were able to create all of ours ourselves. We blagged a nice 911 off a mate; others paid £750 for an old Roller.

They really do have you by the danglies, but try to get over the feeling of being screwed and invest your hard earned cash in ironing out all the niggles. :thumbsup:
 
That is disgraceful mate, I've been in the hotel and catering game my whole life and have never heard anything like that before, you're going to have to play a little hardball with them imho as your planner seems clueless. At £150 a head tbey should be bending over backwards to make sure your special day is how you want it. You should be making demands of them not the other way around. Get on the blower.. start off nicely tell them how happy you are with the food/venue etc and ask them what they are going to do regarding the wine situation because at this present time what they are asking is frankly insulting.. its up to them to find a comprise not you although let them know you are willing to work with them.. they do not want to lose your business as well as the money they pocket a wedding is also a massive free advertisement for the hotel as well as a PR disaster if things go tits up.. the customer is king here so dont be afraid to stand your ground.. give your planner a kick up the arse too :thumbsup:
 
i agree with all, rape is a good word, i did my own wedding reception in our tiny garden with a tent thing ( which i still have) lying unused = it was wonderful, the shed became the bar, and thr food was layed out in the kitchen

save your money and tell them too fook off
 
If you're going to play hardball with them (and it sounds like they deserve it) you have to be prepared to ditch the whole thing. They need to know you will walk away as thats the only threat they are going to respond to. If you're committed to the venue then you have no bargaining power and will have to bend over and take it, there maybe some compromise you can come to, but unfortunately they seem to be holding all the cards.
 
the problem seems to be that there is a never ending supply of people who want to get married.. and take advantage of it . they invent these money making rules because people feel trapped and want to have a nice time and please everybody .
i had something like this ..
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Airwave-2-5x2-5mtr-Waterproof-Gazebo-WindBars/dp/B009C96B6M/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1546190479&sr=8-3&keywords=gazebo
150 quid a head ?? outragous !!! :thumbsdown:
 
I wonder if the person who communicated the "rules" to you just made a meal of it? It's pretty standard practice to clear down tables completely, but in reality they aren't going to persecute someone for walking to the bar with a half full glass of wine. There might be other, more rationale reasons behind it, e.g. the room needs to be converted for dancing, which might need to happen very fast and without faff, and they may also have a policy of no glass on the dancefloor (probably a bad example, but you get my drift). Same for the fixed numbers of "drinkers". We were asked this question too, but it was mainly for budgetary certainty and we were allowed to flex it up until the day before. We had self-service for wine, but it they are pouring it, it might be that they are asking you to name the drinkers so that they can serve them in a professional and timely manner (as they would do with dietary requirements, for example).

Same with the return of unopened bottles/cases. We got ours back but we had to be very specific about them being added to the pickup itinerary for the day after the wedding, i.e. we had to request that the venue do extra work to make sure we got them back (which they were fine with, but I can see why they didn't do it by default). We also had to negotiate to get the bottles left on the tables for self-service, as we did for anything else that was bespoke and not part of the standard routine, e.g. we let people serve each other the food like a family meal, which they were extremely worried about because the waiters/waitresses would all expect something different and there was the potential for it to look like they were doing a bad job.

All this may sound unreasonable, but it is only partly because they are trying to screw you. :D :? It is also because it's part of a set package that offers the service provider certain commercial and procedural guarantees, and you need to push pretty hard to get them to "tweak" it. I don't think these things are worth giving up a venue that you really like for.

I'm not going to get into the debate re. wedding size/cost vs meaning. It's the second biggest cause of family breakups after Brexit. :rofl:
 
Thanks guys. The (future) Mrs is just a bit concerned about it. I'll take the advice and go back in person and ask for total clarification on exactly happens when the room is cleared down.

Then I think it will be a case of being firm and pushing for as much as we can. We really are happy with self service, so we'll get down there and see what they say.

We're saving a fair bit doing most things ourselves, including flowers and all the stationary etc. and the car taking us from the church to the venue is mine, our mate is DJ-ing.

Only thing we need to sort our properly is getting the bridal party from a hotel to the church. As long as it's comfortable and seats 5 it will be fine and to be honest the bridesmaids can go in anything.
Thanks all! :thumbsup:
 
road warrior said:
i had something like this ..
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Airwave-2-5x2- ... rds=gazebo
150 quid a head ?? outragous !!!
Click to expand...
Love you road warrior. Did you rent two and use one as the bridal suite? :D
 
Bottom line we went through the usual motions and tried to find somewhere reasonable and decided to keep our own money save a fortune away from the avoritious grasping hands of the wedding industry. Friends neighbours and relatives all felt involved we all had a very memorable day. Result. :D
 
There’s some excellent suggestions here, with negotiation being at the top of the pile.

I’d suggest trying to find the big top boss of the boss & have the Mr.tourette conversation, starting politely, complementing what has been done well, explaining what you’re finding a challenge & asking what they suggest could be further options.

People at the very top have a different agenda to middle managers, suggest making an ally there will go a long way to smoothing the road ahead.

Good luck
 
Guys, just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone one here. We have progress, we can pay the corkage and bring our own wine, which they will not take away and I believe they are willing to consider getting in a wine that we like (to be confirmed at a meeting in a couple of weeks). So finger crossed it all works out ok, but thanks for the support. :thumbsup:
 
Bit late but the venue sounds like they are being very obtuse.

For my wedding, the event contact was also a self-employed wedding planner - but she was not our wedding planner, nor were her services being paid for.

Several times she would think up "rules" which were really just what she thought best quite some time after it would be sensible to bring it up.

I learnt a special way of dealing with her - if you don't agree, push back hard very quickly OR just plain ignore them on the day if you can.
 
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