Follow up.
OK, as we recall, I went in for alignment with the rear so badly off it was on another car, and the front with enough toe to make a snow plow. What came out was miles better, but surprisingly for what was supposed to be a "stock" alignment, but somehow with a lot of front camber; L -1.7, R -1.8. Now, everybody's saying "pull the pins and shove it all the way in!", which sounds smutty, but isn't. Nobody actually seems to be clear on how much that changes the camber, but it's a good thing.
After wearing my bleeding fingertips to the bone with Google, it appears that particular tweak is good for somewhere between a few tenths and a half a degree. So I did it. Takes 20 minutes, most of which is removing my strut tower brace temporarily. Remember, I'm starting with a lot of dihedral in the front. Starting at ~1.8 and adding as much as a half of a degree takes me to a bit over 2, which is not a huge change. At a guess, then, the front is in the neighborhood of -2.2 or so, the same as the rear, and with considerably less toe in, so I'd expect pretty close to neutral handling.
Truthfully, I can't really tell much. Going from quite a bit of negative camber to a bit more isn't nearly as dramatic as going from none to some. I believe it's just a touch closer to neutral; my quick 'n' dirty test, accelerating into a turn then suddenly letting off, does practically nothing. It slows a bit, that's it, where before it aimed pretty strongly for the outside of the curve. No surprise turn in or out (swapped ends on an MR-2 once doing that). I'm pretty pleased at this point.
I'll be visiting the alignment guy again sometime mostly to see where, exactly, I'm at. I still want to satisfy my curiosity, but I think I'm done with the alignment adventure, barring some new information.
Thank you all. Over and out...