Playing fair – some advice please

J

Jembo

Lifer
Being divorced with kids, with my son now at Uni & my daughter almost 15 have come up with the idea I should pay the maintenance directly to my daughter instead – WDYAT?

There’s a huge history of how I looked after them for years 50/50 & still paid, is now much less though with my ex was all about money & so used every trick in the book to leverage every penny the system could get in her favour… court cases, CSA tribunals that I incidentally won… but still had to pay, too much to even start here.

So, after another round of someone wanting even more, involving my daughter to even text me saying she needs things & I wasn’t paying, I though why not set up an account for my daughter to pay her direct instead so she can:

• See exactly what I am paying & that I am paying
• Can influence precisely what the money is spent on
• Buy the shoes & clothes as required that she needs without the money coming out of ‘her mother’s pocket’
• Can give her mother a portion of the money so she can feel she is contributing to food & a roof over her head when she’s there
• Have money for holidays, trips & going out

So, anyone on here know whether I can do this legally... as from this angle I’d be happy to pay as I’d know the money would be spent where it should be rather than booze, clothes & her mum living beyond her means..

Any suggestions would be appreciated…
 
I doubt that you could legally give your 14 year old child her maintenance money bypassing her mother. Could you not just show her your bank statements showing how much money you are transferring to her mother (and possibly how much you spend just keeping a roof over your own head). Maybe that way, your daughter can then start nagging mum for some of the money rather than you having to be the bad guy and saying no.
 
If you've had the CSA involved in the past, I would talk to them about this as you may find that legally you have to pay the parent. If relations between you and the ex are a bit warmer than North and South Korea, float the idea past her.

If it's any help, we give our daughter the maintenance money we receive from my wife's ex, but daughter is now 17.

BTW - good luck on this.
 
Sounds like a minefield, and whilst all of us will have an idea/opinion you should get some proper legal advice. Unless we have any members from the legal profession?

Whatever you choose, best of luck :thumbsup:
 
marchantsuk said:
Sounds like a minefield, and whilst all of us will have an idea/opinion you should get some proper legal advice. Unless we have any members from the legal profession?

Whatever you choose, best of luck :thumbsup:
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+1 on everything you said there... in these cases, there is no substitute for proper legal advice.
 
With things like this (Not that i really know as im 26, no kids etc) but i would always keep really good records of what you have done, money paid to who, bank accounts etc.

Might be a bit of hassle to setup initially, but it would make it so much easier to provide any required info/evidence if required, and a good way of tracking. You could also show your daughter what exactly you were doing, maybe in a few years time if not now!

A big excel spreadsheet would do it easily.

Good luck
 
Many thanks people... though after almost 10 years of always playing fair & paid my dues you'd have though my ex would have mentally moved on, though seems to be getting more jealous as each day passes
 
CornishRob said:
With things like this (Not that i really know as im 26, no kids etc) but i would always keep really good records of what you have done, money paid to who, bank accounts etc.

Might be a bit of hassle to setup initially, but it would make it so much easier to provide any required info/evidence if required, and a good way of tracking. You could also show your daughter what exactly you were doing, maybe in a few years time if not now!

A big excel spreadsheet would do it easily.

Good luck
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Thanks, though after 10 years you'd have thought someone would Have moved on with their life as tried all this, ho hummm...
 
As a bit of really basic advice, you could set it up under trust, so that she can see it (but wont directly own it), and ultimately a trustee has power over what to do with any money etc
 
Best of luck mate ! Been through all that crap with my own daughter but my problems were caused by the csa not the x
Carn't really give any advice other than keep calm
It was 10 years since i had to deal with it but still pisses me off :headbang:
 
I think you have to pay maintenance for your daughter to her legal custodian, in this case, her mother.
If I were you I would print a copy of your bank statement every month (removing your other transactions/balance of course!) and send it to your daughter.
There's no arguments then about what her mom is getting for her.

Horrible situation for you. Good luck.
 
people that are beholden find it difficult to move on, resentment is easy, it isn't a great way to feel. I think you should leave it at it is. Maybe even send her some flowers as a thank-you, even if they make her cross they will give her something to stamp on.
 
Funnily my sister is having the opposite problem. Split from her ex last year and he stopped paying mortgage and any money towards the two kids (8 and 12) start of this year. Finally managing to get money through the CSA after 6 months but he's still not helping with any other costs regarding the house or kids. Meanwhile he's lying to the oldest and telling him he's giving his mother loads of money, etc.

Barsteward.

I hope you manage to get things sorted. It's not nice when you have to start involving kids in finances, etc.
 
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