Need a chuckle? Read this......

M

mcbutler

Veteran
 Plymouth
So, sat in the Zee in the traffic close to Plymouth city centre, roof off, sun shining, baseball cap on (shame on me, no Englishman should EVER be seen in such apparell) with a smile on my face.
Then, wait for it------------- SLAP some seagull that had obviously just recovered from around a month long bout of chronic constipation unloaded from bombing altitude with the main load landing square on my iDrive 'knob'. It consisted of a white creamy soup combined with a sickly green/brown porridge kind of texture, approx one cupful in my estimation.
The impact spread it around the entire interior of the car to the top of the windscreen, all over my left side (face included).

What did I do I hear you ask??!! Well, to be honest, I laughed out loud, but only till the smell hit me. It was like an Elephant seal burping in your face, jesus what a stink.

So still stuck in traffic and hot sun I sit there whilst the organic superglue of seagull poop began to quickly solidify around and on me.

20 mins later I was home, the poop was literally dried rock hard (anyone out there with a boat will tell you how hard seagull poop dries) and it took me nearly three hours to clean and deodorise the car with permanent staining on the passenger seat red leather.

Still, someone told me that it is supposed to be lucky............ Bloody optomists, hang em all...... :fuelfire:
 
Sell the Zed - or burn it with fire, either one will do...
I was lucky enough to avoid a strafing run by one of the feathered bastards - didn't even know how close it was until I got out of the car and found excrement splattered along the bonnet, front guard, windscreen and even the top of the roll hoop covers. Must have missed me by millimetres... :roll:
 
Be honest, you were out dogging weren't you ??? and this way wifey has your 'alibi' on the internet, because once posted on the internet, its true isn't it ???

Dibs

PS - you have my sympathies though.
 
mcbutler said:
So, sat in the Zee in the traffic close to Plymouth city centre, roof off, sun shining, baseball cap on (shame on me, no Englishman should EVER be seen in such apparell) with a smile on my face.
Then, wait for it------------- SLAP some seagull that had obviously just recovered from around a month long bout of chronic constipation unloaded from bombing altitude with the main load landing square on my iDrive 'knob'. It consisted of a white creamy soup combined with a sickly green/brown porridge kind of texture, approx one cupful in my estimation.
The impact spread it around the entire interior of the car to the top of the windscreen, all over my left side (face included).

What did I do I hear you ask??!! Well, to be honest, I laughed out loud, but only till the smell hit me. It was like an Elephant seal burping in your face, jesus what a stink.

So still stuck in traffic and hot sun I sit there whilst the organic superglue of seagull poop began to quickly solidify around and on me.

20 mins later I was home, the poop was literally dried rock hard (anyone out there with a boat will tell you how hard seagull poop dries) and it took me nearly three hours to clean and deodorise the car with permanent staining on the passenger seat red leather.

Still, someone told me that it is supposed to be lucky............ Bloody optomists, hang em all...... :fuelfire:
Click to expand...

oh the joys of living in the westcountry.
I think I would have thrown a wobbly and pursued the seagull with extreme anger.
 
Made me laugh :rofl: :rofl:
I wonder what others around you thought :rofl:
I often wonder about this issue when I have the roof down, glad it wasn't me :lol:
 
Oh dear. Open top motoring does have its risks, particularly in coastal locations.

I bring my Zed to work occasionally, which necessitates parking in an open public car park in the seaside town where my office is located. As the car is new to me it has only been a couple of times so far, but I am well aware of the risks of parking where I do. This was highlighted to me only yesterday when another car, parked not too far away from mine, seemed to have been the target of a precision and concentrated bombing from what must have been a whole flock of shite-hawks, or perhaps a single bird with a particularly bad case of birdy diarrhoea. It was completely plastered in the stuff. Getting it off of paintwork is bad enough, but the prospect of removing gallons of guano from the hood fabric of my precious Zed is not one I relish!
 
Whow!!!........... and I thought I was unlucky when I had to clean bird poo of my freshly waxed wing yesterday. Hopefully someone on here can suggest something that will help get rid of the staining on the seat. I take it you've tried the usual leather cleaners etc?
 
No wonder it smells is it, they really are flying garbage trucks.....
 

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john-e89 said:
No wonder it smells is it, they really are flying garbage trucks.....
Click to expand...
Yep they are, in the Navy we called them shite hawks, I remember them following us at sea in the early 80's before sewage treatment onboard was made compulsory. Every now and then someone flushed and the poop would float away, only to have some filthy shite hawk swoop down and swallow it in one like a chocolate eclair.
 
When I had the 35is I was driving to my sisters one sunday nice day roof down music on then sploosh a gallon of the stuff hit my windscreen which the wipers & screenwash did little to shift which meant driving by the force and it did occur to me that if it had been another second later it would have been inside with me , have always been mildly apprehensive since. The Porsche has a fabric roof and even ordinary bird poop is hard to remove
 
OMG, I have my Z only for 10 days but I knew from the beginning that it's a good idea to always have a little pack of wet wipes in the glove box :D
 
I sympathise with you , a couple of weeks ago we walked up into Liverpool to do some shopping and my missus got hit on her arm and shoulder , she thought someone had slapped her and ran off at first until she saw the true horror sliding down her arm , didn't help much that my comment was " it could have been a lot worse , it could have hit me " :lol:
I've still not worked out why she stopped speaking to me for the rest of the day
 
The stories in this thread certainly have made me chuckle! :lol:

Later last year I was driving up the lane home one night when we heard a loud thud on the roof, it was dark and the trees that grow by the side of the lane drop bits all the time so didn't think much of it. It was only in the morning when I came to the car I found it to be the most colossal bird turd that had hit the roof, gone all down the back window, across the boot lid and down the bumper! First point of impact was directly above the passenger seat where my girlfriend had been sitting that evening beforehand having insisted she didn't want the roof down because it was too cold :roll:

It didn't seem prudent to allow her to think she could've been right so I quickly cleaned it all off, chuckling to myself thinking about what might've been :rofl:
 
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