Life is cruel when you're old !
- Thread starter gov
- Start date
john-e89 said:gov said:
I “tricked” my mum into it Gov, after yet another fall and a stay in hospital I said she needed a month in a home for respite care to let her get her strength back, after a few months of “When am I going home” she accepted she was now in her new home, and it’s been the best thing for her, and maybe selfishly for me, I’d done all I could and the initial guilt has gone now, she’s so well looked after. Time is of the essence with your M-in-law, you don’t need advice from me as you know all this but the sooner you get it dealt with the better, especially with dimentia, it’ll only get harder to deal with, try not to feel guilty, you will but try, it’s for the best for all of you, especially your wife’s health. I wish you all the best.
Yes this is the strategy we will adoptfortunately we do have LPA
North West Surrey
john-e89 said:
To be fair I've never really felt that way when leaving the residential home as I could see how much better she was being looked after.
But it really hit me hard when we had to declutter her flat to put it up for sale. And I'm dreading having to empty it when the sale progresses, knowing we are getting rid of virtually everything she ever owned.
There’s no doubt that clearing parents homes and possessions at any time is a very difficult task and I’ve done it twice now - I felt very guilty when looking through personal possessions and effects - I felt guilty and very emotional at various times.
The difficult task was only tempered by the fact that I was able to ensure it was done sympathetically.
The difficult task was only tempered by the fact that I was able to ensure it was done sympathetically.
gov said:Mum in law is 94 and in the early stages of dementia - my wife is an only child so everything falls on us - mum has lived alone for the past 15 years but the last year has been horrendous with several stays in hospital after falls and several weeks in respite - she is in hospital again now after complaining of acute back pain that we believe may be in her imagination ( although real to her ) She's had xrays that show nothing wrong ! We've worked really hard to keep her at home but the time is fast approaching when she'll need 24hr care - the system as everyone knows is that all her savings will be used to fund her care - this should last about 6 months then her house will be sold to pay the costs - we've been to several care homes and the costs average £900 a week - when the money finally runs out we will be expected to pay the top up fees of around £1k a month as the council will only pay £600 - and what happens if the house takes a long time to sell ? Bloody nightmare - my wife and I are 71 and all we want at our time of life is peace .
I know no one can do anything but my ranting has helped
Tony
Going to start with this, I don’t know if it’s the same out with Scotland but after being in the same situation with my dad, who’s unfortunately no longer with us. These are a few things I experienced.
He had dementia and needed 24hr care as my mum couldn’t look after him at home. Having a good occupational pension he was self funding through the whole period but I found the following out.
1. He was liable for all costs until his savings hit £15,999 (this would include the sale and proceeds of their house) Then at that point the Local Authority was fully responsible. This excluded my mum, my brothers and I’s income. It was dad’s financial responsibility, not ours. It was only dad’s assets that were responsible for his care. This also included the house sale. He would only have got half of the proceeds if the sale had been required.
2. Re the sale of the house, they can’t force the sale or force a lower price to increase the chances of sale. You can request a Charging Order is placed on the property which ensures they get their money WHEN the sale goes through not before. Some Charging Orders have a small amount of interest attached to them. In my research around base rate + 0.5 to 1% was normal. Much better than credit cards/overdrafts if needed. There’s also a set up fee for this, approx £500 to cover legal work.
3. This is dependant on your financial circumstances but the house can be sold to an immediate family member at a greatly reduced cost, but no less than original purchase price, and it’s called something like “an in life gift” but we were told to seek legal/financial advice regarding this. We never did as it wasn’t an option.
That all being said, yes it is extremely unfair the care system. Dad was fortunate enough career wise that paid 40% tax on his earnings, but that meant he was also unfortunate enough to pay 40% on his pension therefore completely self funding for his care but............ it was probably some of the best money we ever spent as knowing he was safe, getting the care he needed, mum getting to sleep at night and having some sort of life herself again made it all worthwhile.
The real kicker to this is that the OH’s father is now in the same position with dementia and at the stage of requiring 24 hr care.
The bonus for them is he will get the EXACT same care as my dad did but will not pay a penny as he doesn’t have savings over £16k and only receives a state pension which is exactly the way it should be for everyone
Mum in law is still in hospital - feel quite guilty as they have now discovered she has a fracture of a vertebrae and this has been the cause of so much pain - additionally she has a small bleed on the brain which may be adding to her mental state and confusion - because of her age they cannot do anything other than to give her controlled pain relief - unfortunately she cannot take morphine as it makes her sick - I'm sorry to say I don't trust the hospital as all they want to do is get her out - the best outcome would be a nursing home as an alternative to hospital at a cost in excess of £1k a week - obviously we want her to have the best treatment but at the same time I'm trying to save her savings and house - I'm hoping to get her assessed under Continuing Health Care needs but not sure whether the fact she is bedridden and under continual pain management qualifies her for CHC . you have to fight for everything !
ronk said:
That is correct Ronk, nursing care is different to residential care, the state pays for nursing. We give billions abroad to others but are scraping the barrel for ourselves....best not get started on that subject tbh, I don’t feel like raised blood pressure tonight.... :roll:
When we claimed my mother in law’s nursing care - we had to sit in front of a board of medical professionals of high “rank” were were not a as allowed any legal representation.
Fortunately we we not intimidated by this but some will not be used to this sort of scenario and would not progress the claim.
Fortunately we we not intimidated by this but some will not be used to this sort of scenario and would not progress the claim.
1066 Country