Aebous sat in the middle of his bedroom meditating with a singular purpose in mind. It's all he's been thinking about the past few days. What words to use? What style? Dare he use smileys? The one post so dreaded, so infamous, yet so expected that it deserves a thread all on it's own. He gets up because he realizes that nature is calling, "NO, no time for pee, I must post!" With that he stalked out of the room and headed for the computer. Stopping to admire the sleeping form of some random hooters girl he starts to go wake her up so he can have a witness. "No she would only get in the way" he mumbles. "Oh s**t, where are my clothes?! How did I forget my clothes!" He turns around then thinks "No time for clothes I must post!" With that he continues on his mission. Must write. must post. he thinks. It becomes a chant in his head.
A soft rustle behind him, he spins in alarm. It's the hooters girl, "Hey sweetie, you want some sugar?" she says, her sultry voice all but purring with desire.
"Damnit girl is that all you think about?" But Aeb relents and goes to the girl, climbs back into the bed with her. They pause from making out for a moment and the voice of reason flashes in Aeb's head. Must post! He looks upon the beautiful girl and says, "Sorry baby, but the whole forum is looking at your tits and wants you and a bunch of your friends to ride in the Z4. I just can't do this right now."
So he leaves her in bed and walks to the computer. He sits down in front of the computer, inhales a deep cleansing breath and lets it out. Hands shaking he places his fingers over the keyboard..."I can do this" he thinks. With that he types in the first word. Words flow into sentences. Sentences flow into paragraphs.
Just as he begins his second paragraph the hooters girl comes in and starts watching some stupid japanese anime show. Aeb thought it was cool that she watched anime and turned to watch briefly, little did he realize all they do is talk about fighting but never actually dual. The main bad guy was proceeding to explain to the hero that his attempt to think about perhaps attacking at some point in about 25 minutes at the end of the show after countless commercials for hot pockets, kraft macoroni and cheese, and the latest transformer toy would be a waste because of some counter attack he knew. The hero responded saying he knew some counter for the counter than would surely make his attack land and defeat the bad guy, while the bad guy stood still on screen completely unanimated for at least 10 secs which has to be the cheapest way to get a show on TV. For no apparent reason the hero kid starts screaming and screaming then they switch back to the bad guy. Using the same mouth moving animation from his last dissertation about counter attacks, the bad guy speaks about about how some fancy move he and he alone knows but has never been attempted before will make the hero fall. Then the camera switches to the hero screaming some more, then back to the bad guy staring, hero screaming, bad guy staring, and back and forth for about 30 secs using roughly 4 animated frames. Then, it cuts to a commercial for pizza bites and Aeb comes out of his trance, "I don't have time for this" he says to himself. Must post.
The hooters girl calls out, "I'm hungry"
"NO!" he thought to himself. No time so smack the girl in the back of the head. Must write. Must post.
"D**nit, feed yourself!" Aeb yelled. "Ok, can I make eggs?" replied the hooters girl. "Do I look like i care, I have a post to make or the PW's will haunt me?!?"
The hooters girl fired up the stove as Aeb continued to write. He wrote and wrote not tayking time to correct tpyos or poor grammar because he didn't have time for time that kind of thing and sure he probably could have used a couple, more commas or periods or even not wrote a couple run on sentences But who cares he was determined he had to make this post now he had to danmit and his fingers woere moving at a furious pase now and he was just about there just about to make it happen when he smelled smoke wtf smoeke? "Baby", he helled. "What's burning??"
But, it was too late, the commercial break was over and the bad guy was talking about and the hero was yelling something stupid and the producers took the time to animate themselves into the crowd that formed and they were laughing at the idiots. The hooters girl was zombified again and the eggs had set the kitchen on fire.
"NO!" he thought to himself. No time to save the house. Must write. Must post.
So, Aeb turned from the fire and focused all his chakra, err focus, on the post he had to make. Cinders were shooting up in the air from the burning cabinets and landing all around him. It was turning into that scene from Star Wars Revenge of the Sith where Anakin gets pwned by Obiwan because of just jumping straight he tries to do some sort of acrobatic flip. Dumbass! Cinders were landing on Aeb's back now and his shirt was starting to smolder. The pain could not stop him now. He continued to type, he continued to make his post.
Just then from behind him, he felt a firm, gloved hand grasp his shoulder. It was a fireman coming to save him. Aeb only turned briefly to see the fireman silohuetted against the kitchen, now in full blaze. "Come with me NOW!" yelled the fireman. The smoke billowed in around him cutting off his oxygen almost to the point of suffication.
"NO! he thought to himself. No time to breath. Must write. Must post.
He whipped back around to his keyboard and leaned in. He was going to write the finale one way or another. The fireman lunged at hijmdsmmm knockknginhghg his fingerssksin into atlkpdh lots of keys. the fireman tiredd to grabb hssis arms anbd pull himf fomr the chair. Aeb ducked left and finished this sentence. Then he threw a right elbow and caught the fireman square in teh jaw. The fireman went reeling and gave Aeb a brief moment. The moment he needed. He was going to hit the "Post" button and end this all!!! He moved his hand to his mouse and lifted his index finger over the left mouse button. Like in one of those slow motion, tightly cropped cut scenes you see in the movies his finger fell towards that button. At the last second, the fireman grabbed his arm and his finger hit the right mouse button. Undo? Paste? Delete? Select All? what kinds of choices where these? "I want to post!! Nothign can stop me from posting!"
Aeb didn't see the second fireman coming up from behind him, nor did he see him raise his axe. But he felt the shockwaves when the axe came down and severed hi mouse coord, and part of his desk.
"NOoOOooOooOoOoOoooooooo!" he screamed. Then it hit him. He winked at the fireman.
Tab. Tab. Oh yeah. thats right. Tab.
The fireman both flanked Aeb and tried to grab his arms and legs, but he fought through it! Tab. Tab. He was almost there... and the fireman had pryed him out of his chari and man did that fck upp his gtiyping fro a mmomemt. He held onto his keyboard and strated dragging it from his desk. The coord reached the end of its slack and slipped from his hands onto the floor. Like a greased pig he twqiested and squrimred and got out of their frips and back to his keyboard.
Tab.
Tab.
The fireman grabbed his feet and pulled. He fought back. They pulled. He dug into the carpet with his finger nails and clawed, one inch at at time and finally reached out with a final, desperate motion and hit...
Enter.
A soft rustle behind him, he spins in alarm. It's the hooters girl, "Hey sweetie, you want some sugar?" she says, her sultry voice all but purring with desire.
"Damnit girl is that all you think about?" But Aeb relents and goes to the girl, climbs back into the bed with her. They pause from making out for a moment and the voice of reason flashes in Aeb's head. Must post! He looks upon the beautiful girl and says, "Sorry baby, but the whole forum is looking at your tits and wants you and a bunch of your friends to ride in the Z4. I just can't do this right now."
So he leaves her in bed and walks to the computer. He sits down in front of the computer, inhales a deep cleansing breath and lets it out. Hands shaking he places his fingers over the keyboard..."I can do this" he thinks. With that he types in the first word. Words flow into sentences. Sentences flow into paragraphs.
Just as he begins his second paragraph the hooters girl comes in and starts watching some stupid japanese anime show. Aeb thought it was cool that she watched anime and turned to watch briefly, little did he realize all they do is talk about fighting but never actually dual. The main bad guy was proceeding to explain to the hero that his attempt to think about perhaps attacking at some point in about 25 minutes at the end of the show after countless commercials for hot pockets, kraft macoroni and cheese, and the latest transformer toy would be a waste because of some counter attack he knew. The hero responded saying he knew some counter for the counter than would surely make his attack land and defeat the bad guy, while the bad guy stood still on screen completely unanimated for at least 10 secs which has to be the cheapest way to get a show on TV. For no apparent reason the hero kid starts screaming and screaming then they switch back to the bad guy. Using the same mouth moving animation from his last dissertation about counter attacks, the bad guy speaks about about how some fancy move he and he alone knows but has never been attempted before will make the hero fall. Then the camera switches to the hero screaming some more, then back to the bad guy staring, hero screaming, bad guy staring, and back and forth for about 30 secs using roughly 4 animated frames. Then, it cuts to a commercial for pizza bites and Aeb comes out of his trance, "I don't have time for this" he says to himself. Must post.
The hooters girl calls out, "I'm hungry"
"NO!" he thought to himself. No time so smack the girl in the back of the head. Must write. Must post.
"D**nit, feed yourself!" Aeb yelled. "Ok, can I make eggs?" replied the hooters girl. "Do I look like i care, I have a post to make or the PW's will haunt me?!?"
The hooters girl fired up the stove as Aeb continued to write. He wrote and wrote not tayking time to correct tpyos or poor grammar because he didn't have time for time that kind of thing and sure he probably could have used a couple, more commas or periods or even not wrote a couple run on sentences But who cares he was determined he had to make this post now he had to danmit and his fingers woere moving at a furious pase now and he was just about there just about to make it happen when he smelled smoke wtf smoeke? "Baby", he helled. "What's burning??"
But, it was too late, the commercial break was over and the bad guy was talking about and the hero was yelling something stupid and the producers took the time to animate themselves into the crowd that formed and they were laughing at the idiots. The hooters girl was zombified again and the eggs had set the kitchen on fire.
"NO!" he thought to himself. No time to save the house. Must write. Must post.
So, Aeb turned from the fire and focused all his chakra, err focus, on the post he had to make. Cinders were shooting up in the air from the burning cabinets and landing all around him. It was turning into that scene from Star Wars Revenge of the Sith where Anakin gets pwned by Obiwan because of just jumping straight he tries to do some sort of acrobatic flip. Dumbass! Cinders were landing on Aeb's back now and his shirt was starting to smolder. The pain could not stop him now. He continued to type, he continued to make his post.
Just then from behind him, he felt a firm, gloved hand grasp his shoulder. It was a fireman coming to save him. Aeb only turned briefly to see the fireman silohuetted against the kitchen, now in full blaze. "Come with me NOW!" yelled the fireman. The smoke billowed in around him cutting off his oxygen almost to the point of suffication.
"NO! he thought to himself. No time to breath. Must write. Must post.
He whipped back around to his keyboard and leaned in. He was going to write the finale one way or another. The fireman lunged at hijmdsmmm knockknginhghg his fingerssksin into atlkpdh lots of keys. the fireman tiredd to grabb hssis arms anbd pull himf fomr the chair. Aeb ducked left and finished this sentence. Then he threw a right elbow and caught the fireman square in teh jaw. The fireman went reeling and gave Aeb a brief moment. The moment he needed. He was going to hit the "Post" button and end this all!!! He moved his hand to his mouse and lifted his index finger over the left mouse button. Like in one of those slow motion, tightly cropped cut scenes you see in the movies his finger fell towards that button. At the last second, the fireman grabbed his arm and his finger hit the right mouse button. Undo? Paste? Delete? Select All? what kinds of choices where these? "I want to post!! Nothign can stop me from posting!"
Aeb didn't see the second fireman coming up from behind him, nor did he see him raise his axe. But he felt the shockwaves when the axe came down and severed hi mouse coord, and part of his desk.
"NOoOOooOooOoOoOoooooooo!" he screamed. Then it hit him. He winked at the fireman.
Tab. Tab. Oh yeah. thats right. Tab.
The fireman both flanked Aeb and tried to grab his arms and legs, but he fought through it! Tab. Tab. He was almost there... and the fireman had pryed him out of his chari and man did that fck upp his gtiyping fro a mmomemt. He held onto his keyboard and strated dragging it from his desk. The coord reached the end of its slack and slipped from his hands onto the floor. Like a greased pig he twqiested and squrimred and got out of their frips and back to his keyboard.
Tab.
Tab.
The fireman grabbed his feet and pulled. He fought back. They pulled. He dug into the carpet with his finger nails and clawed, one inch at at time and finally reached out with a final, desperate motion and hit...
Enter.
