Grave obesity

[Z4MAD]

Whilst listening to the wireless at a half past six o'clock this morning it came to my attention that a Council within this realm is set to make an additional charge for larger graves thus to cater for the propensity of obese corpse's requiring greater space within the cemetary.

I shall of course update this matter of the utmost gravity when I am able to clearly establish precise details of which Council it is that has made this grave decision to punish corpses by taxing their obesity and therefrom their requirement for a larger grave. By any definition this is truly a hugely grave matter.

 

[obewan]

You can try but I think you'll come to a dead end.

 

[Z4MAD]

Yes, I can understand why you mention this, for the reason that Council's tend to be hugely amorphous organisations, but nonetheless, we must put this aside and treat this grave matter of the utmost gravity.

 

[jimbo1958]

I was into Necrophilia but found it dead boring.

 

[Zed Baron]

Its Wolverhampton Council, they want to charge an extra 20% on the standard 5ft grave (most people are well over 5ft these days), what they doing breaking legs to fit them in

 

[raymond.harper]

Or, at precisely half past six o’clock this morn, whilst attending to the wireless, my steam-powered router has failed to progress, sipping my customary draught of tepid Earl Grey, I was arrested by a most remarkable dispatch: it appears that a certain Council within our noble realm proposes to extract from the bereaved an additional impost should their dearly departed prove to have been, in life, of more expansive proportions. In plainer terms, Sir or Madam, those whose mortal remains present a greater acreage shall be obliged to pay for the privilege of a correspondingly commodious grave — a policy which, if I may be so bold, appears to levy a posthumous penalty upon portliness itself.
Until such time as I can identify the precise municipal body responsible for this innovation in sepulchral taxation, I must content myself with marvelling at the audacity of a measure that combines, in equal parts, fiscal ingenuity and funereal fat-shaming. Truly, this is a development of the gravest order — and I use that term advisedly.

 

[mmm-five]

I'll be asking for a refund then, as I'm donating my body to medical science, and getting the remainder cremated.

 

[Pondy]

I was into Necrophilia but found it dead boring.

Try incest; it's only relatively boring.

 

[buzyg]

Try cremation.

 

[MikeyH]

This guy is on another planet, down here the graves are 6'6"long in churchyards and cemeteries any less would be a joke. Unless they are on about burying them vertically, this was suggested once to save space. He also needs to learn how to spell, it's cemetery not cemetary. I thought for a moment it might be Stephen Fry after a long night on the gin and tonic but alas it aint.

 

[MikeyH]

Try cremation.

Nice to see your picture is back again buzyg, I missed it

 

[DonDon]

The increased dimension is the width, not the length.

 

[DonDon]

I was into Necrophilia but found it dead boring.

I was also into necrophilia until some rotten c*** split on me. Apologies for lowering the standards even further.

 

[Zedist]

I was into flagellation, necrophilia and bestiality.
But I was flogging a dead horse.

 

[MikeyH]

I used to own an MGB, that was like flogging a dead horse