Anyone share home with in-laws ?

M

mr wilks

Lifer
 Lancashire
Its something our euro neighbours do without thinking but not the norm in the UK ,
We are at the " considering the in's & out's " stage
My wife's parents have a large enough house that they don't want to leave but are stretching themselves to service & maintain .
Our 2 children at 17 & 21 do their own thing & would not be a problem in shared situation .
It would free up time & money for myself & mrs w to spend more time in France feathering our nest there :wink:
its a conundrum & wondered if anyone had views or experiences themselves of similar situation ?
 
Are you suggesting that your parents and children can baby sit one another whilst you galavant around France? Sounds like a plan to me :thumbsup: :D
 
Well there has to be something in the deal for everyone :oops: it could be a solution where for some small compromises we can all have a bit more of what we want ?
Alternative is continue as we are for another 3/4 years then bail out when our 2 are financially able to take over our house here in UK .
Ive had 26 years self employed here & am travelling further ,working harder just to stand still :x
Or i could be selfish & say " right we,re off " to our 2 , sell the house & drag them over the channel which i know would not be right for them .
 
I share with in laws, means all of us save money and have a nicer place than we would otherwise have

Mother in law cooks great food :thumbsup:

Also means when I'm deployed I know the mrs will be looked after and not so lonely
 
Personally I'd rather set fire to my head and have someone put it out with a spade!

A while back one mother in law's other daughters wanted to build a new house and was all "sell yours and build something here and we can all live together" (clearly on a money grab) then they inherited money from her husbands father and that request vanished. As mother in law got older she wanted to live nearer one of her daughters and the other two didn't want to know so now she lives near us.

As she's got older and become more infirm the workload and stress has risen. She's now got dementia and also been ambulanced to hospital twice in the last couple of months with a dislocated hip. The dementia means she forgets to use the panic button we had installed (even though it's hanging around her neck) so we get emergency calls from the neighbour. Both calls have been dealt with by the kids who are at home (one in the middle of A levels so stressed enough as it is) who've been brilliant but shouldn't be having to worry about such things. SWMBO is now talking about giving up her already part time job because she can't keep leaving work to attend to her mother. The other two daughters live at least 4 hours drive away. They are the elder two and to say they manage remotely is an understatement. Long distance criticism is going to cause me to say something loud and rude soon.

So if your relatives are in good health now, just have a good think about how long that will last and what the plan is when their health starts to fail. It's really not an easy thing to deal with, make any decisions with your eyes open.
 
I'm in the planning stage of building an extension to my house for the Father in-law, as you mentioned its quite common out here in Europe/Germany, but as houses and property get smaller I guess it will be more uncommon in the future.

at the moment I work in the oil and gas industry, and it would be nice to have a pair of hands/ support for my wife while im away. but as correctly mentioned By Stuart its all good now what happens if they need full time care?

I suppose the answer is a Moral question of doing the right thing I guess, I wouldn't like to think that the father inlaw was carted off to the old peoples home just because I want to ride my motorbike on a Sunday and making his breakfast got in the way etc...

definitely a topic that needs careful discussion before doing or saying anything, because as soon as the idea is mentioned they will have stolen your garden shed and assumed grass cutting duties before the day is out.... :D ( speaking from experience here)
 
It depends on your house / circumstances. A few years ago, my in-laws retired, sold up and tried living in Spain. They then kept coming back to the UK and stayed with my wife & I for weeks at a time - either it was too hot (!) or they were homesick. It was a nightmare. I felt like a visitor in my own home and the stress on my wife was huge. The bickering between her and her mother was almost constant. It ended one Sunday afternoon when I blew my stack, told them all a few home truths and then stormed out. I came back a few hours later to find they had left to stay with one of their sons and then returned to Spain. Before the regular stays, we all got on well and after a few tense meetings we are back to that relationship, but never again will they stay under my roof.

Long and short of it is, you need to be absolutely sure before you commit. Once they have sold up and moved in, then 'splitting' up will be difficult. Do you have the size of house to have 2 living rooms / TV's / bathrooms - effectively be able to have separate lives from them ? Its the small things that really grate. I would get home from work and then have to watch several hours of quiz shows and soaps or else just go and lay on the bed until all the MIL's programs had finished. Queueing for the bathroom so I could get ready for work. Not being able to slob on the sofa and relax. Lack of privacy, etc. etc.

Suddenly living with another adult(s) is very difficult - you are all set in your ways and its not like compromising because you are moving in with the love of your life. Your kids have grown up with you and you have had years to get used to each other.

They also dumped their dog on us, buts thats a story on its own.
 
PaulG said:
It depends on your house / circumstances. A few years ago, my in-laws retired, sold up and tried living in Spain. They then kept coming back to the UK and stayed with my wife & I for weeks at a time - either it was too hot (!) or they were homesick. It was a nightmare. I felt like a visitor in my own home and the stress on my wife was huge. The bickering between her and her mother was almost constant. It ended one Sunday afternoon when I blew my stack, told them all a few home truths and then stormed out. I came back a few hours later to find they had left to stay with one of their sons and then returned to Spain. Before the regular stays, we all got on well and after a few tense meetings we are back to that relationship, but never again will they stay under my roof.

Long and short of it is, you need to be absolutely sure before you commit. Once they have sold up and moved in, then 'splitting' up will be difficult. Do you have the size of house to have 2 living rooms / TV's / bathrooms - effectively be able to have separate lives from them ? Its the small things that really grate. I would get home from work and then have to watch several hours of quiz shows and soaps or else just go and lay on the bed until all the MIL's programs had finished. Queueing for the bathroom so I could get ready for work. Not being able to slob on the sofa and relax. Lack of privacy, etc. etc.

Suddenly living with another adult(s) is very difficult - you are all set in your ways and its not like compromising because you are moving in with the love of your life. Your kids have grown up with you and you have had years to get used to each other.

They also dumped their dog on us, buts thats a story on its own.
Click to expand...

This rings a bell with me. My MIL (and there is DEFINATELY no "F" on the end of that!!!!) and I have a relationship that goes along fine for ages...then all hell breaks lose. My wife has been quite ill in recent years with Cancer (hopefully over it now) and her mum came to stay with us to help out after one of Deb's operations. He was here for about 3 weeks and it was fine.

A few months after that, she herself was ill, so she came to stay with us. I was genuinly ok with this....she helped us out, so it was fair enough. Anyway, she seemed to get better....but not go! About 2 weeks after the point that I think she should've gone, it started to get on my nerves. It was also getting on Deb's nerves. You have no privacy in your own home. Anyway, one day she just decided to go. So that was ok.

Trouble is, she is getting worse and there will come the time when its either go into a home, move in with us, or move in with the son who has her grand-children. He would be the best option, but has no spare room. We have a spare room! I couldn't do it. She is a social person, so even having her own kitchen/bathroom/living area wouldn't help....she wants company. (I'm an anti-social pig!).

Its not for everyone, so good to see both for's and against's on here. Its something that only you can decide. If it works for you then great.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom