Any hopeful advice

S

Snoop D

Member
Hi guys, what do you folks do after going through very hard and difficult times? How do you get the motivation and energy back to keep pushing through the pain and go about life?

Recently lost my son and wife and just feels like nothing in the world can help...
I stay up late nights thinking about everything and sometimes thought about just ending myself.

I'm not really a person who likes sharing personal things but it comes to a point where somedays you will eventually have to talk about it...

Any advice would be greatly appreciated 👍
 
Nothing can heal that pain but talking will help,pm me i am no expert but as they say its good to talk.
 
Hey Snoop D, as Sw4nny said, it’s good to talk. Please feel free to PM me too, if only to get things off your chest.

It’s a cliche, but time is a great healer. I can’t begin to imagine how you must be feeling right now, but stick with it, hopefully it will hurt just a tiny bit less each day.
 
Taking about it helps, so your making a start just posting here. The feeling of being crushed gradually decreases be certain of that too. Every one is different but the one time in my life when I was really down, I was encouraged to keep a routine, as best I could and to keep fit. Then let time gradually lift the load. It will never lift fully but it will get much lighter. :)
 
You've taken a very important first step which is talking about how you feel - the more you can do that the better. Maybe also think about bereavement counselling? Everyone will mourn in different ways and I'd say don't expect to put any time limits on it - you must take your own time and that's fine. What you are experiencing is normal. I'd echo the advice to keep to a routine and exercise - outside if possible as that has proven benefits to your health and mental well being. That will also help you sleep better.

Also I'd say try and think what your loved ones would have wanted for you - they would want you to get through this and maybe you can imagine them being there for you, encouraging you.

Finally I think its inevitable that you will have more time on your hands than you had before and it would be good to try and fill some of it. Doing something that helps others will give you back way more than you put in. Perhaps volunteering somewhere?

You will get through this
 
Hi I struggled for 5 yrs with depression and came very close to ending it all, but I am now so glad I didn’t. My advice would be go and see your gp and be honest with him/her and don’t be afraid to accept help be it medication or other options I was offered councilling but turned it down for a long time before eventually agreeing to give it a try, and it was for me a complete turning point I found it so easy to talk to someone I had never meet before and found it a revelation. 4 years later I am feeling 1000% better and am no longer taking any medication for depression. I know everyone is different but for me it definitely worked. Hope this helps in some way
 
Can't imagine the pain you must be feeling right now, but time is most definitely a healer. Of course, nothing can replace your son, but you learn to live with the pain, rather than just exist.

The wife and I went through a phase where our first ivf round didn't work and our family didn't really understand just how much it affected us, even pretty much forcing us to celebrate my brother and sisters birthday on the very same day we got told that it hadn't worked! That meal out was the worst idea ever for us both!

After a while, we managed to dust ourselves down and go for another course. Amazingly it worked and we now have a 20 week old daughter keeping us up all hours :lol: it's crazy how life can adapt and change and you make the best of the hand you've been dealt.

I just hope you both manage to live life again. Your son would not have wanted you to go through this pain.

Only bit of advice I can offer is to not be embarrassed or ashamed by outbursts of rage, anxiety, selfishness etc. I got made to feel like I was the bad guy for not wanting to participate in things. All I wanted to do was my own thing and some people just don't understand that. But it's your life and no one can tell you how to live it!
 
I can't imagine how you feel mate but good on you for asking for help, where about are you. Maybe we could arrange a local meet and drive, get out and keep busy. Great advice already.
 
My wife went through this when her Dad passed suddenly. I was surprised at how long she needed to adjust. It does take time. And feeling bad is part of the grieving process. She eventually picked herself up and went about the things that used to make her happy and eventually they did. But it was not an easy process for her. I think feeling poorly is okay but ending it is not what your loved ones would want. If you are a reader there are all sorts of good books on this. Hang in there. Stay busy. :thumbsup:
 
I'm sorry to hear of your loss and the pain you're going through and I hope you find your way forward soon.

Here's some simple advice which is often overlooked when trying to find the road to recovery: try to keep to a normal daily routine with a bedtime before midnight and do make yourself get up and dressed at a set time with an alarm clock 8 hours later. Try not to fall asleep in a chair during the daytime. In other words, avoid turning your day in to night and vice versa.

Even if you can't easily sleep when you go to bed, avoid the temptation to put lights on and get up. Use such times as "thinking time" where you can lie quietly with your thoughts and snatch the sleep that might come your way whilst you're in bed. Eventually, over the days, weeks, months ahead you will have rehearsed your repetitive thoughts so many times it becomes a pre-sleep ritual which doesn't need to be completed every night, and because you don't sleep during the day, you will sleep more readily during the night in bed. Keep to a daily routine with coffee times and meal times so that your "body clock" keeps ticking along like a metronome.

Also, if you know someone who you can talk to in confidence, "a problem shared is a problem halved".

I know you'll eventually feel better and it does take time, but it's worth waiting for. :thumbsup:
 
I was 36 when i lost my mrs, after a bit of a wobble when i was drinking far to much i threw myself into work which helped me, i found exercise helped me cope with the stress better as well.
There’s some useful words here on different approaches to coping, try & adopt some of them & they’ll give you a lift up hopefully.
Rob
 
I'm so sorry you are going through this.

A said, good advice in trying to keep to a routine and keeping busy as much as you can. Grief can be a good thing, it helps you to come to terms with the loss, to look back and to adjust to the future, it effects people in different ways but also grief can become all enveloping where it can take over your life to a point its difficult to find your way out of it and where it becomes unhealthy and it has a grip of you. I lost my dad nearly 30 years ago when I was 25 and whether it was because I was younger I seemed to cope with it pretty well. I lost my mum week before Christmas 2014 which seemed completely different, perhaps because I had looked after mum for some years towards the end of her life and she was my best friend as well as my mum. When she passed yes I was upset but the grief side of it didn't hit me for quite some months after, I made the mistake of treating her death as a holiday kidding myself she would come back into my life, of course you realise that aint going to happen for which the grief became an overbearing wave and I slowly became very depressed. A big help was seeing a bereavement counsellor who tought me how to cope with the grief, put it into perspective and how to slowly move forward, plus keeping busy as others have suggested helped to keep the mind occupied so your not just sitting there thinking about it all the time. Also as said time is a healer but personally I still get a day when I think of mums passing and the grief returns but I now treat it as thats ok, your allowed a day every now and again to feel this way and after return back to a normality. I don't think it will be something that will ever leave you and its just finding your way of coping with it from time to time.

It does get better.

Tim.
 
Hi
I would echo much of what has been said by other members of the forum. Taking care of yourself by staying fit and active is something i recognise myself as being important to my mental health -cycling even by yourself or with friends... not staying up till too late at night when you feel unable to make a call if you feel very low...so keep talking to those you can of course. Asking the question you have tells me your looking for a way to cope and work through this.
Practical might come from your GP, Cruise, or perhaps an employment related scheme.
Through my work i can email you really helpful info from the British Psychological Society / reading about the likley stages of grief. It might help to know that what your experiencing is not your experience only and others could help you make sense of this.....
Very best wishes
 
Sorry you are having to deal with such a bad situation - but do not suffer in silence or try and tough it out.
Go to your GP and seek some professional help - ie. some counselling.

Best wishes and hoping you get some assistance soon.
 
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