Carol M said:
+1
Good advice there.
Am I being unreasonable (need opinions) (turns out i wasn't)
- Thread starter Liam-O
- Start date
+1
Good advice there.
1066 Country
RubyBlueZ4MC said:
You ladies are at a slight disadvantage given you don't have part of your brain in your pants & the majority of men immediately categorise women between those they would & would not kick out of bed.
I have a number of friends who are women, I just make the conscious decision not to cross the line with those I wouldn't use my big foot on
marchantsuk said:
-1 .... when a woman doesn't respect what you have to say, then it's over
Jembo I agree about the not having respect for what your partner is saying thing but sometimes in a relationship when an unfamiliar situation occurs, as in Liam's problem and especially if it actually is completely innocent on her part then she is going to question him not wanting her to spend time with her 'friend'. It doesn't mean she isn't going to say, 'ok, sorry I understand how strongly you feel about it now, it won't happen again'.
Sometimes lines have to be drawn in a relationship that you don't want your partner to cross but that doesn't mean the other isn't allowed to negotiate the line. It doesn't mean she is disrespecting him as in her mind she can't see what the harm is, at least not straight away. Liam has to make her understand how strongly he feels and after that, if she still insists on continuing her relationship with this lad, that's the time to think about if you want to still be in the relationship.
It's hard to walk away from somebody if you love them over a thing like this and would be silly to at this point.
Just my take on it. Wouldn't want Liam to break his relationship up because of this at this stage.
I do agree with you about the respecting his feelings thing tho definitely.
Sometimes lines have to be drawn in a relationship that you don't want your partner to cross but that doesn't mean the other isn't allowed to negotiate the line. It doesn't mean she is disrespecting him as in her mind she can't see what the harm is, at least not straight away. Liam has to make her understand how strongly he feels and after that, if she still insists on continuing her relationship with this lad, that's the time to think about if you want to still be in the relationship.
It's hard to walk away from somebody if you love them over a thing like this and would be silly to at this point.
Just my take on it. Wouldn't want Liam to break his relationship up because of this at this stage.
I do agree with you about the respecting his feelings thing tho definitely.
Liam-o, am I right to assume that the ultimate fear or worry here is that she might cheat on you? If that's the case, do you think you'd be able to cope with that?
We ultimately have very little power over what others do or don't do, but if we are able to handle whatever they throw at us, the fear of what they might do becomes that little bit less intense. It's great that you have principles, shows you have strength of character. I was cheated on in the past and wasted a lot of time, grief and worry over it ever happening again, but as soon as I realised that if it did happen, I would survive, I'd be able to handle it, I worried about it much less.
We ultimately have very little power over what others do or don't do, but if we are able to handle whatever they throw at us, the fear of what they might do becomes that little bit less intense. It's great that you have principles, shows you have strength of character. I was cheated on in the past and wasted a lot of time, grief and worry over it ever happening again, but as soon as I realised that if it did happen, I would survive, I'd be able to handle it, I worried about it much less.
Cassie-UK said:
... and to Carol. It's all about attraction & what Liam appears to be doing is making everything worse for himself.
Nothing is fair in love and if Liam wants to get her attention making her realise other chic's find him attractive & she has to chase him rather than him chase her is the way to go. I'm not here to provide this education, but this is all behavioural where women know some men have a natural attraction no matter how ugly they are & my French mate at work has them all competing against each other - so funny to watch especially as I blatantly make fun of his flirting in front of them which only makes it worse...
All I can say is all the things I thought you did to attract women when I was young were wrong, no where near an expert but Pusey footing round them & being a woosie is the number one thing that will make them run for the hills.
The one thing i have learnt is (a) women always want to know (b) women don't really know what they want no matter what they say
LIAM, if you're reading this, use these two pearls of wisdom to your advantage... but never tell them you know this
It's sunny outside, I'm off!!!
A
Anonymous
Guest
I hate shopping, destest it, but men will do virtually anything to get laid.
One thing I have noticed on this thread, The women posting are all, "your the one with the problem, talk to her"
The men are mostly all, "you told her, she didn't listen, get rid"
To be honest Liam I would be asking myself a couple of other questions, Like "why am I in this relationship? Am I looking for something long term here? can I see myself ever wanting to settle down with this one.
Answer those questions to yourself honestly and it may lead you to a resolution to your issue.
If it were me though I would ditch and move on, She didn't care how you felt, that speaks volumes.
Good luck with whatever decision you come to.
One thing I have noticed on this thread, The women posting are all, "your the one with the problem, talk to her"
The men are mostly all, "you told her, she didn't listen, get rid"
To be honest Liam I would be asking myself a couple of other questions, Like "why am I in this relationship? Am I looking for something long term here? can I see myself ever wanting to settle down with this one.
Answer those questions to yourself honestly and it may lead you to a resolution to your issue.
If it were me though I would ditch and move on, She didn't care how you felt, that speaks volumes.
Good luck with whatever decision you come to.
Nosa said:
I never said that overall. I know I would probably be livid if I were Liam. But then I am a pretty jealous type.
liam, hate to be the barrer of bad news but this gun is already loaded, it just depnds who is going to fire it ,you or her.Just the fact that you have posted on here tells a million storys.Mate you are trying to fool your self sorry but despite what you have said the sad fact is you do not trust this girl and iam afraid you never will , even if she tells you that she wont do it again , every time she,s late home from work gets a text and says it no one important goes out with girlfriends but comes home later than expecd your mind will be doing over time . How i know this i have been there and believe me it will eat away at you , trust is the key here if you dont trust her you need to move on , or it will make your life a missery . Trust your instint mate if it doesnt feel right it probably isnt.
I know this is not what you want to hear but some times the truth just has to be said , please feel free to tell me to do one i wont be offended.Any way good luck.
I know this is not what you want to hear but some times the truth just has to be said , please feel free to tell me to do one i wont be offended.Any way good luck.
hmmm, so is this where we have got to?
1 leave it alone
2 the talk it works out well
3 the talk she dumps you
4 the talk you dump her
5 you dump her
4 + 5 are just stupid unless you want out and I don't get that impression.
1 is tempting because nobody worthwhile wants a controlling boyfriend and it avoids the possibility of 3 which leaves 2. The ideal.
But it isn't your choice if you get a 2 or a 3. Bummer innit?
I would choose to go out walking, somewhere neutral and try for 2.
1 leave it alone
2 the talk it works out well
3 the talk she dumps you
4 the talk you dump her
5 you dump her
4 + 5 are just stupid unless you want out and I don't get that impression.
1 is tempting because nobody worthwhile wants a controlling boyfriend and it avoids the possibility of 3 which leaves 2. The ideal.
But it isn't your choice if you get a 2 or a 3. Bummer innit?
I would choose to go out walking, somewhere neutral and try for 2.
jonnyfive said:
yes, he has, and it didn't stick.
Dumping someone because they went shopping with someone not on the approved list sounds like an over-reaction to me. There is always the possibility that whatshername feels rebellious. Good on her, nobody should just accept being told who they can associate with.
She has to want to make the compromises. Explaining how her behaviour is making Liam feel still seems to me to be the least worst option at this point.
If it was me I would tell her how I felt. Let her know it hurts you. Tell her you trust her but she cannot keep this up without damaging the relationship. Let her know what you want and leave it to her to decide. Trust is an important part of any relationship but so is respecting your partners feelings. Whatever you decide you really need to sit down with her and talk it through.
Good Luck
Good Luck
TAZ 1990 said:
This is a tricky situation but the above advice has to be the only course of action. If you've done this then the 'balls in your court' and it's decision time. Only you can decide- not going to speculate on rights and wrongs. But it is clear this is a big deal for you or you wouldn't of posted.
Whatever happens- you will still be the same person you are now, and have always been so trust in who you are.
Interesting scenario. One of my best friends is a woman,we met through work, and we clicked immediately.I've known her since 1995 and still see her regularly.We are extremely fond of each other and have been on holiday together (once), a receipe for a shag fest if ever there was one.My wife used to get really jealous ( Me & this lass were already buddies before I started seeing my wife) and was really snotty about us seeing each other ( it doesn't help that she's blond and very pretty). Anyways, one day we had the "what would happen if we take it further" conversation and both agreed that there was no way way we'd want to spoil the friendship we had and run the risk of losing a fantastic best mate,also we'd never get on as a couple as we'd p*ss each other off all the time. We have a very brother/sister relationship and before you ask, no we haven't slept together,snogged,fondled, petted or anything other than a bear hug when we greet each other. How I won my wife round was to invite her every time I saw her so she could see for herself that I wasn't getting up to anything.She now realises there is 100% nothing to worry about and we regularly meet up with this lass's fella and go out as a group.
Relating this to the OP's situation, she should make sure that the OP is comfortable with the relationship and not do anything that causes him to doubt her commitment to their relationship. I wonder if she is either trying to wind him up and see how far she can push him, or testing him in some way. Either way, she is not showing him sufficient respect as she is aware that he is not happy about her seeing an ex. Having a close friend who is the opposite sex to you is one thing, being close to an ex is another,and I wouldn't put a woman I was seeing through that scenario, a sure receipe for disaster. Personally, having a woman as a "bestie" is great, I can always the girlie slant on stuff, as I'm sure for the ladies on the forum, if they had a bloke for a bestie, they'd also get the blokey slant on stuff. Does sex get in the way?, If they are a proper friend, definately NO, If they have other plans, then very much YES. I think the OP needs to have another conversation with his lady and see what she is playing at,and how serious she is about having a proper grown up relationship with him. If she wants him, she needs to start showing more respect for his feelings and behave accordingly.Good luck fella.
Relating this to the OP's situation, she should make sure that the OP is comfortable with the relationship and not do anything that causes him to doubt her commitment to their relationship. I wonder if she is either trying to wind him up and see how far she can push him, or testing him in some way. Either way, she is not showing him sufficient respect as she is aware that he is not happy about her seeing an ex. Having a close friend who is the opposite sex to you is one thing, being close to an ex is another,and I wouldn't put a woman I was seeing through that scenario, a sure receipe for disaster. Personally, having a woman as a "bestie" is great, I can always the girlie slant on stuff, as I'm sure for the ladies on the forum, if they had a bloke for a bestie, they'd also get the blokey slant on stuff. Does sex get in the way?, If they are a proper friend, definately NO, If they have other plans, then very much YES. I think the OP needs to have another conversation with his lady and see what she is playing at,and how serious she is about having a proper grown up relationship with him. If she wants him, she needs to start showing more respect for his feelings and behave accordingly.Good luck fella.
