Today’s mountain bikers can f**k off...

[john-e89]

I have nothing against mountain bikers, nothing, but when approx 30 of the idiots came down past my house today at full tilt, ie, using no brakes, on a 30% single track village road then I get pi**ed off, I don’t care if they fall off, that’s their look out, but it’s a narrow village road with houses on both sides, a farm road, kids around, walkers, it’s just plain stupid, there’s a limit to how idiotic they need to be and this crosses that line by some margin. They’ve got brakes, disc ones at that, but it appears no brains, seriously, madness, a 30% hill at full bore FFS...!!

[-Tom-]

It’s the walkers getting in the way that’s the problem

[john-e89]

It’s the walkers getting in the way that’s the problem

I’m not bothered about the walkers either tbh, leaving little black bags full of dogshit all over the place, gates open, parking anywhere there’s a free bit of ground...the list goes on...but folk living in the village go walking up the edge with little kids, the farm uses the lane all day every day,...maybe they should just head butt a 6 tonne tractor towing a trailer full of hay, that’ll stop the fuc**rs....

[Chris_D]

John, John, John. You are simply missing the point; it's part of the buzz and attraction of mountainbiking, at least to those that partake in this particular pastime.
There is a direct correlation to the speed of decent, multiplied by a deficiency of braincells, plus the danger factor of falling off / hitting a wall / hitting you / slipping on cowsh!t and falling, all culminating in a compound adrenalin/enjoyment factor!
It's simple maths really.

I suggest you put some effort into hypothesizing as to how you can influence the outcome of any given mountainbiker's experience at the point of passing your gaff. I'm presuming you live at the bottom of a hill for them to be passing at this presumably antisocial velocity?

Maybe some fishing wire strategically stretched between 2 points accross the path? You would need to cater for severed limbs and the possibility of facing a manslaughter/murder charge however.

Too harsh? Ok, maybe invest in some ducks and let them poop on the path at a suitably relevant frequency? That ducksh!t is slippery as f*ck and should dispatch the lycra-clad pedal-heroes most effectively!

What about some military flashbangs? Or if you're feeling more adventurous some Claymores? Those things will disrupt their foot/pedal interface in the most efficient way imaginable! We may potentially be back in the realms of manslaughter/murder however.

For maximum effectiveness, perhaps you could mobilise Mrs. John into baking some nice cakes laced with a strong laxative. Invite the bikers to stop and partake of a slice and a cuppa and then send them on their way again.
20 minutes down the road and they will be struggling to de-lycra in a most unseemly fashion in order to vent the contents of their bladder/bowels?

You really need to start thinking pro-actively rather than complaining John!

yw

[john-e89]

John, John, John. You are simply missing the point; it's part of the buzz and attraction of mountainbiking, at least to those that partake in this particular pastime.
There is a direct correlation to the speed of decent, multiplied by a deficiency of braincells, plus the danger factor of falling off / hitting a wall / hitting you / slipping on cowsh!t and falling, all culminating in a compound adrenalin/enjoyment factor!
It's simple maths really.

I suggest you put some effort into hypothesizing as to how you can influence the outcome of any given mountainbiker's experience at the point of passing your gaff. I'm presuming you live at the bottom of a hill for them to be passing at this presumably antisocial velocity?

Maybe some fishing wire strategically stretched between 2 points accross the path? You would need to cater for severed limbs and the possibility of facing a manslaughter/murder charge however.

Too harsh? Ok, maybe invest in some ducks and let them poop on the path at a suitably relevant frequency? That ducksh!t is slippery as f*ck and should dispatch the lycra-clad pedal-heroes most effectively!

What about some military flashbangs? Or if you're feeling more adventurous some Claymores? Those things will disrupt their foot/pedal interface in the most efficient way imaginable! We may potentially be back in the realms of manslaughter/murder however.

For maximum effectiveness, perhaps you could mobilise Mrs. John into baking some nice cakes laced with a strong laxative. Invite the bikers to stop and partake of a slice and a cuppa and then send them on their way again.
20 minutes down the road and they will be struggling to de-lycra in a most unseemly fashion in order to vent the contents of their bladder/bowels?

You really need to start thinking pro-actively rather than complaining John!

yw

I like the laxative thing, that’s a cracking idea.....if only the fuc**rs would slow down enough for a cuppa....

[buzyg]

Just stretch a nice piano wire accross the lane.

[Chris_D]

Just stretch a nice piano wire accross the lane.

Buzylar, you un-original bastid you, I already suggested fishing line.
Stronger than piano wire I suggest, but perhaps has a less 'musical twang' on impact.

[buzyg]

Just stretch a nice piano wire accross the lane.

Buzylar, you un-original bastid you, I already suggested fishing line.
Stronger than piano wire I suggest, but perhaps has a less 'musical twang' on impact.

Great Scourers think alike.

[Chris_D]

Just stretch a nice piano wire accross the lane.

Buzylar, you un-original bastid you, I already suggested fishing line.
Stronger than piano wire I suggest, but perhaps has a less 'musical twang' on impact.

Great Scourers think alike.

I think you meant 'Scousers' lol
All scrubbers are not the same!

[john-e89]

Just stretch a nice piano wire accross the lane.

Buzylar, you un-original bastid you, I already suggested fishing line.
Stronger than piano wire I suggest, but perhaps has a less 'musical twang' on impact.

Great Scourers think alike.

Wire scourers at that Buzy.......

[john-e89]

Fu*k me....a scourer on the ball.....who would have thought......

[road warrior]

I prefer a more "accidental" pile of horse s**t on the road, effective and added benefits

[stupot1]

It's the pack mentality. I'm a former cyclist, Mountain bike and road. The amount of mild mannered vicar types that climb on a bike and ride in a group then suddenly turn into a complete arse hole always baffled me. Add that to the 'already' an arse hole and no wonder there's hatred toward them. Always gives the proper riders a bad name.
I like the Dutch way of separating the road/cycle path, our cycle lanes are crap! Nipping in and out of traffic is not a good idea

[patriot66]

It's the pack mentality. I'm a former cyclist, Mountain bike and road. The amount of mild mannered vicar types that climb on a bike and ride in a group then suddenly turn into a complete arse hole always baffled me. Add that to the 'already' an arse hole and no wonder there's hatred toward them. Always gives the proper riders a bad name.
I like the Dutch way of separating the road/cycle path, our cycle lanes are crap! Nipping in and out of traffic is not a good idea

Absolutely agree with this I have done a fair amount of MTBing in my time up until some recent health issues curtailed my activities. I started back in '95 and joined a local club at Leisure Lakes Bikes in Tarleton then called 'The Groovy Tribe'
I stopped going out in the Dales & Lakes with them very quickly for just the reasons you mention. I've ridden all over the UK and Europe mostly either solo or with my cousin Matt and never had any problems, confrontations etc because I/we were always courteous, considerate and sensible both off-road and on it.

Me on the Tour de Ben Nevis 2011.
Happy days

SimonBenNevis-1.jpg (191.77 KiB) Viewed 1045 times

[Kev]

Some very sad bitter twisted people on here if you're using that tar with a brush...............then zed owners also get pigeon holed, it doesn't matter what group you associate with there will always be some miserable bastard slating it or you