Losing a parent

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mr.tourette
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Losing a parent

Post by mr.tourette » Sat Jul 13, 2019 10:26 pm

Sorry to hear this mate, there is no easy way to get through it, hold on to the good memories and always remember she lives on through you and yours
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Losing a parent

Post by Chippie » Sat Jul 13, 2019 10:47 pm

So sorry for your loss, my only consolation is that a part of her lives on in you and your children, the values she held have been passed on to you making you the person you are today
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Losing a parent

Post by dr_john » Sat Jul 13, 2019 11:23 pm

Sympathies to you friend.

My dad died 22 years ago and my mum died 2 years ago at the age of 97. Still miss them both, especially dad, I feel there were a lot of conversations that we never had, he was always the voice of reason and wisdom
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Losing a parent

Post by SpiketheBike » Sun Jul 14, 2019 12:02 am

So sorry for your loss.
My Dad died 21 years ago. My mum 11. Whilst I miss them both still, it was my mum dieing I found the hardest. Not because she was my mum, but because with both parents gone, I felt I'd really lost a huge link with my past.
Hope you are okay, grief is very personal. Take care.
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Losing a parent

Post by Marlon » Sun Jul 14, 2019 12:43 am

I work Saturdays at a hospice counselling the bereaved and the pre-bereaved and can say that each person experiences loss differently, however a common theme is what you've mention in your post – the loss is heart-breaking as you realise the joy you feel at the simple things in life can no longer be shared with the loved one.
Your kids playing in the garden is life continuing, and just as they innocently enjoy the moment you may in time find you own peace.
As many here will attest to, we never really get through or over losing a loved one but rather the loss is incorporated into who we are and changes us. Life is uncompromising and relentless, it presents us with cold harsh realities that we don’t want and can't change; those facts we can do nothing about, but facing them changes us and I’ve seen time and time again that it is possible to move forward with hope and purpose even in the face of life’s brutalities.
This is the human spirit that I've been privileged to have witnessed in so many clients – in the face of unimaginable heartache and loss we can find the strength to carry on and find peace for ourselves and for those who are sharing life’s journey with us.
Your mum is sadly departed, but ask yourself what she would have wanted for her grandchildren and for you - indeed for all those she has left behind. You can't share the video of your kids with her but you can live every moment with the joy and zest for life that she would have wanted. She is a part of you and everything you experience is a part of her; she lives on though you and through your children.
You and your children are here because of her and your father; they both live thorough you all so love this gift of life and cherish each and every moment.
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Losing a parent

Post by enzed4 » Sun Jul 14, 2019 5:14 am

Well said Marlon, thank you.
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Losing a parent

Post by TitanTim » Sun Jul 14, 2019 8:14 am

So sorry on your loss Greg.

I lost my mum at 84 week before Christmas 2014, came completely out of the blue. Mum lived with me and I looked after her in between work. Strangely enough the day she fell ilI I took the day off work to cook her nice meal and to just have a nice day with her. 5 days later mum passed away. Although she was my mum she was also my best friend in life and I found it very hard to accept the loss at first to the point I convinced myself she had just gone on holiday and would be back. I didn't allow myself to grieve and kept busy, something when looking back I regret now as it was almost like denial and the guilt feeling of not bereaving overtook me. I felt almost selfish. It wasn't until some 8 months later the grief overwhelmed me. The key is to talk to friends and family and share your feelings, I did go to see a bereavement councillor which helped enormously who taught me it's normal to feel the way I did, it can take time to come to terms with a loss, in many ways there is no time limit for grieving. I focus on my happy memories of these days and accept she is in a happy place but also she is still there in my life. End of the day I know she would want me to be happy.

Christmas time is still very hard but it does get better with time. For me personally I keep some of my mum's favourite things together in one place with photos and when I have times I wished she was around they provide some comfort, it's just my way staying close to her.

All the best to you,

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Losing a parent

Post by stupot1 » Sun Jul 14, 2019 10:05 am

Sorry for your loss
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Losing a parent

Post by firebobby » Sun Jul 14, 2019 10:06 am

Sad news mate, my mum died 10 years ago and I still get times when she was the one you want to share something with and you can't :|
You have your own kids and I'm sure they will keep you plenty busy.
You also have your memories of your mum
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Losing a parent

Post by greg81 » Sun Jul 14, 2019 9:21 pm

Thanks all.

It's a funny one. I feel bad for not feeling worse as I'm coping pretty well today I think though that because my mum's been ill for a while that I started grieving when we found out she was terminal.

Oh and don't know, I'm drunk and feeling fine

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Losing a parent

Post by jamie_z4 » Sun Jul 14, 2019 11:24 pm

Really sorry for your loss mate. I still have both my parents thankfully and stuff like this reminds me to speak to them more as life always seems to get in the way these days :thumbsdown:
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Losing a parent

Post by GAZA62 » Mon Jul 15, 2019 6:01 pm

So sorry for your loss I lost my dad a while back now and it hurt but as said above it gets better that feeling in your stomach will go away.

Having your family around will help you move on it did me being single I had no one to turn to but my nieces and nephews (who were just kids at the time) being around helped as they are the future of the family and make you smile.
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Losing a parent

Post by Jaw » Thu Jul 18, 2019 2:55 pm

Very Sorry for your loss, horrible time. I lost my dad a month ago and I'm still trying to work it out. Made it harder that he went not long after the year anniversary of my grand and he was buried a day before fathers day and a week before what would have been his 63rd

I don't think you ever really get over it, you just get to a point where the joy of their memory is as powerful as the pain of their absence and use that to focus on building new memories in their honour.

I put a mini tribute to dad in my shop for me to smile at and in a wierd way, it makes it feel like his still a part of what he loved being around cars etc. Whatever works but do try and smile, I think that's half the battle. Having my daughter around really helps as It makes me want to form as many good memories with her as I had of him.

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It's funny, I'm not one to rush to jump to supernatural conclusions but my daughter waved bye to the corner of the room for the few weeks following his death, and she lives here in Australia, only met him once. But all little things that make me smile and wonder what if..

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Losing a parent

Post by Sidewaze Samm » Thu Jul 18, 2019 7:52 pm

Very sorry to hear that.

I think losing parents is hard on many. For most, they're the one constant in life that's always been there - through school years issues, getting to grasps with work, first car, wedding, first house and all that sort of stuff. They're the people who will always have your back, no matter how you've treated them. I miss mine (and still find it odd to realise I'm an orphan!) and it wasn't until my dad went 14 years ago that I realised he'd become a damned good friend and not just a parent. He loved his cars and would be chuffed to see both me and his grandson in our zeds - wish I could show him.

So enjoy your memories, and make sure that in time your kids will have even better ones of you.
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Losing a parent

Post by Leesfarm07 » Fri Jul 19, 2019 12:55 pm

I'm so sorry for your loss
I lost my dad in 2014 after a very short illness. Thought he'd live forever. My mum developed dementia around the same time and is in a home now in a very frail state. We had to have the DNR discussion recently for the staff and that was so hard. Always closer to my mum so cant imagine it when shes gone
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