Leaving the forum.

john-e89 · Post by **john-e89** » Tue Dec 19, 2017 2:27 pm

Hey,

Recent comments on a sales thread, which I never normally do, have given me the push to call it a day, whilst not rude or offensive I’ve gone further than is acceptable to me. These comments have coincided with a few picky moments which I should not get involved with.

Disclosing personal stuff on a public forum is a choice we make, lots would say not to do it but I can’t leave with a bitter taste in my mouth. For the last proabably 10 yrs or so I’ve been fighting depression, not feeling sorry for myself, proper depression, a chemical imbalance, an illness. I’ve fought it in the usual way, pick yourself up lad and get on with it, but it doesn’t work, last years 8 months of surgery for bits and pieces have worked but the heart op this time last year that went wrong has tipped the scales to an unacceptable level, I’ve got so much worse this year, leading to moments of desperation. Thoughts of a pipe in the car window on the moors we’re getting more and more tempting. Thankfully for my sons sake I’ve realised I can’t carry on and started medication 6 months ago which initially worked very well but the side effects were too awful to carry on with those particular drugs. 5 different lots now and we’re still trying to find the right ones, hopefully we’re getting close. The difference they make is immense. Dramatic? Well, If you haven’t had any experience of real depression you’ll probably be giving me the w****r sign reading this, fair shout. Anybody remember Gary Speed? Top footballer then Leeds Utd manager, loved by the fans, a very fair player on the pitch, oodles of money in the bank, lovely family, hung himself in his grarage. I can relate how he felt, I’m not at his level but it’s creeping up. It’s really not something you can control without drugs.

I don’t have never felt sorry for myself, I don’t wallow in self pity, my health issues are very mild compared to lots of others, but you simply cannot control this. I don’t want sympathy replies, I just want to try to explain why sometimes I’m an arse. I’ll help anybody, if you’re stuck in the middle of the night in a broken car I’ll come and pick you up, it’s just this damned thing rears it’s head and takes over at times despite trying to leave things alone. So until I can get straight and be a nice member I’m out, my skin is too thin to be embroiled in arguments. Why not just not post again without this, well as I said, there’s a bitter taste in my mouth and I feel the need to explain myself.

Have a great Xmas, and hopefully I’ll get sorted and catch up at some point.

Marlon · Post by **Marlon** » Tue Dec 19, 2017 3:13 pm

I'm sure we all respect your decision and wish you well John, hope to see you back here when you are ready. You will be missed - take care fella

maxman · Post by **maxman** » Tue Dec 19, 2017 3:51 pm

Marlon wrote: ↑Tue Dec 19, 2017 3:13 pm I'm sure we all respect your decision and wish you well John, hope to see you back here when you are ready. You will be missed - take care fella

X1.Well said Marlon.

Smartbear · Post by **Smartbear** » Tue Dec 19, 2017 4:06 pm

Hope you get things under control John

Rob

Darren Slone · Post by **Darren Slone** » Tue Dec 19, 2017 4:32 pm

Hey John, liked you from the first time I met you, I know a little about depression, I’m only down the road and will be in touch for a cuppa and chat, I’ll bring the biscuits

if there’s anything I can help with don’t be too proud, catch you soon my friend

jabber · Post by **jabber** » Tue Dec 19, 2017 4:47 pm

I have struggled with depression for over 6 years now so I know where you are coming from, I have recently found medication that works for me, hopefully you will find one that helps you. Never forget you are not alone however dark things look. Best of wishes for the future

DPG · Post by **DPG** » Tue Dec 19, 2017 4:54 pm

All the best John, keep your chin up.

Machine monkey · Post by **Machine monkey** » Tue Dec 19, 2017 5:44 pm

Sorry your leaving Jon. I have always enjoyed your posts! Not the ones about your bad health! I am not that much of d1ck. I wish you well with all your troubles and hope things improve quickly for you.

Post by **sp3ctre** » Tue Dec 19, 2017 5:56 pm

All the best John, you are welcome back any time.

mr wilks · Post by **mr wilks** » Tue Dec 19, 2017 6:06 pm

Take the time out John & come back when you feel ready , no experience to share Re the depression but i know how sometimes forum spats can leave you wondering why you bother logging on

if you accept that certain individuals can easily reach heights of w4nkerness others wouldn't dream of then you are partway to cracking it

Take care & if the abstention is lengthy keep in touch

firebobby · Post by **firebobby** » Tue Dec 19, 2017 6:19 pm

Oh thanks mate, now who's going to have my back when I go on about MR2's and get attacked by Number 5

Hope you sort your head mate and are back soon...missing you already

ronk · Post by **ronk** » Tue Dec 19, 2017 6:30 pm

pm sent!

firebobby · Post by **firebobby** » Tue Dec 19, 2017 6:41 pm

ronk wrote: ↑Tue Dec 19, 2017 6:30 pm pm sent!

Bet he will have quite a few

Pastry · Post by **Pastry** » Tue Dec 19, 2017 6:42 pm

You take care John, you’re a top fella,and will certainly be missed on here

I’ve depression in my family so I know how dark things can get but keep working at it matey and don’t let the ba$tards grind you down!

Taz · Post by **Taz** » Tue Dec 19, 2017 6:43 pm

John, I know several people from this forum and I consider you to be a 'top bloke'

Nobody will truly understand what you are going through but I'm sure we all wish you well

Take time for yourself and I'm sure we'll see you on another meet some time

Man hugs and even a x from me

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